It has been four years and seven months since my dad passed away, and each day that goes by is another day that I consider the implications of losing him.
Death is never an easy experience. For the parent that has to bury their child, for the child that has to bury their parent; none of it is easy. Whether it occurs naturally, accidentally, or like my father, through the slow progression of a disease, the only consolation comes in the fact that, that person will finally rest.
Death is not something that blows over with time, but rather it becomes a part of you and your life moving forward. You won’t simply “get over it.” You’ll be reminded daily that they’re not there anymore, and each time you remember that, it becomes a little more real, and sometimes it'll feel like a major punch in the gut. When somebody talks about their dad or their parents, it’s the first thing that comes to my mind. There is no way around it. This is especially the case when you lose a parent at a young age. There are so many milestones that you won’t get to share – jobs, relationships, adventures – but deep down you’re always carrying that person in your heart and in your mind.
My dad wasn’t able to share my Sweet 16, my high school graduation, or my semester abroad. My dad won’t be here for my college graduation, my wedding, or to meet his grandchildren. My dad has and will physically miss so many milestones, but he will always be there in spirit and in my heart.
The whole dying process seems surreal, and even afterwards it kind of feels like some sort of fantasy world that you’re going to wake up from any minute. I figured “Hey, dad’s got this. He’s strong. He can fight it …” How can anybody be expected to accept that their parent’s life is slowly being drained right before their eyes? It’s something that really takes time to wrap your head around.
However, the hardest part is the coping and grieving process. For some, like myself, you tend to deal with your problems alone, handling them in private on your own time. While that’s not the worst way to process a tragic event, it certainly can’t be the only way. My mom pushed me to go to counseling services, and I eventually agreed. You may not necessarily be stressed about the death – you may just be sad or overwhelmed – but when you combine that with the stress of school, it really becomes necessary to have a release. For me it was just a short appointment, once a month, but that helped tremendously in keeping me balanced. It also helped me in processing what had just happened over the past six months.
Six months later, their death is still something you’ll think about every day. That’s not a good thing, that’s not a bad thing. It’s just a truth that you have to embrace. Sure, it’s not fair that your parent was taken from you, but you have to focus your energy in more positive ways. Be glad that you had that parent in the first place. You can channel your emotions in a positive manner that is going to propel, rather than hinder you. Like I said at the beginning, nothing about death is easy, but this is much better than allowing yourself to be consumed by negative feelings and stress. The loss of a parent should not decimate you to a shadow of your former self; it should motivate you to surge forward, doing what you love and living life with passion, for we do not know when life will be snatched from us.
I am doing everything I can to try to make my father proud. I live every day with him in my heart. I will always miss him, but I need to live my life to the fullest, for me and for him.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy ...
