Losing My Passion

This semester was one of the hardest I have ever experienced. Maybe it was because of the short semester, maybe it was because I was a first time apartment tenant, maybe it was because I was neglecting my mental health. Whatever the cause, I felt it. I felt it so deep down that I dreaded getting out of bed every morning. I hated getting emails or texts of encouragement from my peers, because I had nothing to be happy about. I felt the weight of every passing day. It wasn't until one day that I looked up at the projector in my Counseling Theories class that I realized it. I had lost my passion.

Does that mean I want to stop being a psychology major? No. Does that mean I wanted to quit writing for the Odyssey? No. But what it did mean was that every time I sat down at my computer to let my thoughts flow, I felt nothing. Many days, I would sit and stare at my computer screen and ask myself, "What changed?" What happened to that young adult that was so excited when she got her acceptance letter to USM? Where was that girl that loved going to her job every day and seeing the youth she works with? What happened to the girl that loved to listen to her favorite songs and scream the lyrics? Where is she?

That person that had so much passion and zeal for life was me, and someday, it will be me again, but not today. Not right now. I remember so vividly the fire that burned so brightly within me. I remember fearlessly and excitedly chasing my dreams. But now, now all I feel is the cold hollow left in my chest. I hope that one day, I forget this pain. The feelings I have right now are only temporary, but in this moment, it feels like relief will never come. I hope to once again find the activities that I enjoy doing and the people I love to associate myself with. I hope to become the hero I always needed.

I remember going with my best friend to a protest a few years ago. I remember standing there in the sun with my poster held high, screaming my lungs out. Now, I doubt I could even find the energy to stand up for myself, let alone anyone else. I feel like I have let down everyone, but mostly I have let down myself. I let the passion I had die, and I did not realize it until it was too late. I had a therapist tell me once, "You cannot pour water out of an empty well." Maybe I had become empty, and as a result, had nothing left for myself. Maybe I had poured myself into all my activities that I began to run dry. Maybe in trying to help others find themselves, I had lost myself.

For now, I will take this time from school to rediscover who I am. I want to remember the things that brought me joy as well as the things that brought me pain. I hope to one day be a person I can be proud of; the girl who can be her own hero.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

15 Black-Owned Haircare Brands That Cater As Much To Inclusivity As They Do To Your Locks

Championing Black entrepreneurs who make some of our hair favorites.

The haircare industry is vast. With the rise of social media came hundreds of thousands of empowered, niche brands. Single entrepreneurs came out of the woodwork with hair brands that now, years later, have dedicated cult followings.

Of those multitudes of brands, few cater to all hair types, most made without regard for curly or coily hair. These brands, however, are different.

Keep Reading... Show less

Minorities are consistently under-represented in our day-to-day lives, notably in the world of fashion. It's likely you're looking for a way to support black artists. Whether that's the case or you're just a fashion-lover in general, these brands aren't just some of the best black-owned fashion brands — they're some of the most innovative brands of our time, period.

From luxury staples to fun accessories and loungewear, these brands aren't just stunning names you should definitely be following on Instagram, each honors the founder's roots in unique ways with the power of storytelling through artistic expression that manifests in pieces we can't wait to wear.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

10 Home Items You Need For Stress Relief, On The Days You 'Literally Cannot'

Fill your home with peaceful, calming coping mechanisms.

I'd like to think that 2020 is teaching us a lot. Or will teach us a lot. Or will be a story we tell at parties one day. Ultimately, this year has been — and is probably going to continue to be — a bit of a mess.

At the beginning of the year, Australia was on fire and we mourned the death of Kobe Bryant. Then, coronavirus (COVID-19) took our spring and shut us in our homes, inciting panic over public health and sparking political upheaval at every decision made by local and federal officials alike. Now, a week after George Floyd's death at the hands of Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, a nationwide conversation is reignited with protests regarding racial injustice in the United States. There is an enormous amount of tension, hurt, and change that is upon the American people.

Keep Reading... Show less

No matter who you are (an introvert, person of color, member of the LGBTQ+ community, Scorpio, TikToker, you name it), we want to hear what dating in America is like for you and the thoughts you have while working through the talking stage, first dates, navigating love, working through dating problems, etc.

Keep Reading... Show less

30 Black-Owned Skincare Brands Every Beauty-Lover Should Know About In 2020

They're not changing the game — they're making a new one.

Skin is something most beauty-lovers obsess over from our early teens, whether our aim is to be glowier, softer, dewier, or poreless, most of us are consistently tracking a new skincare goal. No matter how many products we try, we'll likely forage on with the goal of IRL Photoshopped skin, no matter how many dollars go to them.

The black-founded skincare brands below are the brainchildren of extreme dedication and resilience within the privileged world of beauty. Born out of resilient entrepreneurs overcoming circumstance in a world that does not favor business people of color, these brands have loyal cult followings, and with good reason.

Keep Reading... Show less

A huge part of being in a relationship is communication and, well, part of communication is listening. So, why not have a little fun with your partner and see just how well they know you?

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

7 Ways You Can Safely Attend A Protest In The Middle Of A Pandemic

Wear a mask, but speak up.

It seems like coronavirus (COVID-19) has been around forever now. Life before masks and with public sporting events is a distant memory, hoping to make a comeback sometime this year. We've all had to make some sort of life changes to abide by this pandemic's rules. But that doesn't mean everything has stopped. On May 25, George Floyd died at the hands of Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, sparking a cry for justice and racial equality across the nation.

For the last week, protests have taken place in major cities like New York City, LA, DC, Chicago, Phoenix, Portland, Dallas, and Floyd's hometown of Minneapolis. Many of the cities experiencing protests have begun phased reopening, while others (specifically New York City and LA) have yet to begin phase one of post-coronavirus reopening.

As COVID-19 is hardly in our rearview mirror, there are extra precautions protestors can take as they advocate for justice.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Helpful, Effective Mental Health Resources Specifically For The Black Community

These organizations are qualified, caring, and acknowledging the mental trauma individuals are experiencing.

On May 25, George Floyd died after being pinned to the ground by a Minneapolis police officer. In the last week, protests have sprung up across the nation, demanding justice for Floyd and accountability for police brutality. Social media has also seen widespread conversation regarding Floyd's death, Black Lives Matter, and racism in the United States. Today is #BlackoutTuesday, where many are sharing a single black square to represent unity and support for Black voices.

In light of the heavy climate that our country is facing, it is a safe assumption that many individuals' mental health may be suffering. We wanted to highlight mental health resources and organizations that are Black-owned and prepared to assist in whatever you're going through.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments