I graduated from high school five years ago. Most of my high school friends now have graduated from their universities and are starting their careers. My little sister graduated from my alma mater in May. Yet, here I am, without even an associate's degree. I have been out of school for two years now. I just signed up to go back in two weeks and my anxiety has reached an all-time high with a million thoughts running through my head. But, don't worry, I'll only share a couple through the power of gifs.
1. I'm going to be the oldest person in that classroom.
When I initially started college five years ago, there was always one person who was a tad bit older than everyone else in the class. Now, I realized that person's going to be me. I don't look like the sweet innocent fresh out of high school baby I was five years ago. I have the look of harsh reality on my face now. I learned what it's like living paycheck to paycheck while trying to stay alive by working full time at a fast food chain—it's not easy.
2. Am I supposed to go school clothes shopping?
Really though, last time I was in school I went in my pajamas. Is that still a thing or do people go to school as if they were going to a fashion show? I don't know any of the hip new trends. My closet consists of black work shirts, dirty work shoes and a whole lot of pajamas.
3. Are classes harder?
I see memes after memes on social media about the new way math is taught and it's horrifying. I stare at the picture for almost ten minutes and then just keep scrolling because it's confusing and I can't figure it out. Is college the same way? Are my algebra and biology class from four years ago still accurate prerequisites or am I going to be confused in the classes required after them? So many questions, so little time.
4. I'm re-starting school the year I was supposed to be graduated.
It feels like a complete and utter failure because all of the people I grew up with our now graduated and starting their careers. Where am I? Serving full-time and re-entering school. Sometimes you just want to cry, ya know?
5. I am going to crush this.
Despite all of the negativity running through my mind, I am going to reach for the positive. I may not be where all of my friends are right now, but hey, we all have our own paths to follow. These years of trying to survive in the reality of not having a college degree or career have prepared me for my return. I am prepared to succeed and to graduate, maybe even on the Dean's List––finger's crossed.
I know I am not alone when I say I'm not where I want to be in life. Isn't that something all 20-year-old's feel? Going back to school now may seem like a challenge and I always here "once you leave school, you'll never go back". That's a lie. Just a semester of not being in school instantly made me want to go back. It may have taken longer, but hey, at least I'm doing it. If you're in the same boat as me, having the same thoughts as me, just remember––we got there.
man running in forestPhoto by 
