This is my first Odyssey article, and it hits close to home.
This past November, my mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I remember where I was when I got the call; I was at the Nest, eating my usual cheeseburger with tator tots (I know, super healthy). I broke down in tears because it was so unexpected. I was reassured that it was to be cured, and that I didn't really have anything to worry about, just as long as I knew that it was something my mom was going through.
As time went on, it looked less and less promising. The doctors, of course, did everything they could, but their best just wasn't enough. The radiation, the chemo...Nothing seemed to be able to beat this very aggressive cancer. They said we had a year and a half to spend with her.
The week before spring semester threw its harsh finals at us, my siblings and I left our colleges to fly to Pensacola, FL (my mom was stationed there in the Navy years ago). We knew our time with her was drawing to a close; the cancer was spreading so quickly. I had never felt like she needed me this much. She was so weak. She quickly lost who she was--that bright-eyed, sarcastic jokester. Even until the end, her eyes stayed the same. One look at her, and I knew that she was going to be okay even when she had to leave us.
April 27th was the last day we had with my mom. Even though I had months to prepare for this pain, I had no idea how to deal with it when the time came. I was overwhelmingly sad, and I couldn't believe it had really happened. I expected her to come up the stairs to watch TV with the family, or to text me her ice cream order (without omitting a single topping). I suddenly got unnecessarily angry at little things; things that I usually wouldn't have even batted an eye. Being a psychology major, I knew I was going through the stages of grief, it wasn't hard to figure out. Unfortunately, communicating this type of pain was impossible.
To anyone going through any loss: it does get better. It might not seem like it's going to be okay at first, and honestly, I'm still not okay, but I know that she wouldn't want me to hurt. We held the calling hours soon after, and people I had never even met came up to me, telling me the kind and charitable acts my mom had done for them. She really did touch every person she ever met, and she was one of the most selfless souls. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, but it's healthy to feel this way. Losing someone this close to my heart made me stronger and only love harder. I'm just not a mourning person.
