I would like to get serious with you guys for a minute. This is for those living the life with a deceased parent.
On January 19th, 2015, my father left to be with the Lord. This was the best thing and the worst thing that could have ever happened. I say the best because my father was dealing with cancer, cirrhosis of the liver and many other problems with his health to the point where he had a trake inserted into his throat to talk and breathe. He suffered no longer. This is the worst because, although my parents were divorced, I adored my father. He passed away my senior year of high school. While most girls were picking out a dress for homecoming, I was picking out an urn to put my father in. He never saw me graduate and never saw me get into college and will never see my college graduation, but I know he is with me even when I don't believe it. Alas, this is only my story, but this isn't just about me.
There are millions of children, teens and young adults that must deal with the pain of losing a parent or, in some cases, both. This isn't a letter to just tell you what the grieving tiers are, this is to tell you mistakes I made when grieving and how you can avoid them.
My father died on January 19th, a Monday, and that Tuesday I was in class. Many gave me the look of "Why are you here?" and some actually physically said it. When many said "Go home," I refused because I had a meeting the next day in Columbus, Ohio. This is where I got it wrong ... give yourself time! Because I never took the time to grieve, I now feel that pain every day and it can never go away because I don't know how to let it go.
I am normally a person that welcomes hugs and I will give everyone a smile. When my father passed, I continued to give the mask, the "I am OK that I just lost the man I adore" mask, and tried to make people believe I was OK. I would go to church and pray just for a moment of peace from the pain, yet I wouldn't let anyone help. Again, I was wrong ... let people in your breaking heart. Those around you aren't just there to say they are sorry; they want to be your standing stone. And never forget, God is always the solid ground!
After my father passed, I was sick all the time. Whether it was a headache, stomach ache, chest pains, I just felt disgusting, which wasn't how one should feel during the last months of high school. I later would find out the reason I was sick was because I never took a break. And, you guessed it, I was wrong ... don't overwork yourself. This was my problem because I thought that if maybe I could just work hard enough, I could work the pain out, and yet it did not. Take time and breathe because working will not bring your loved one back.
Never let anyone tell you that you need to let the grief go because we all grieve differently. For me, I tried to work and work, but I just dug myself into a hole. Take your time, let people in and don't work yourself into oblivion because in the end you will feel better and won't be a year down the road still in full pain like I am.
