2016 has been a year of surprises and growth—for our nation, our culture, for me.

I realized that I have “out grown” several of my closest friends. People I considered family now exist beyond this rift of our previously inseparable bond. The long nights of venting and tears and nighttime drives to nowhere in particular vanished as quickly as the memories were created. What happened exactly?

We just grew apart. We had different interpretations of our friendship which caused a gap in communication. They hurt me and didn’t apologize for it. I bottled it all up and allowed the wound to fester. We allowed each other to carry on and silently throw grenades without every truly addressing the issue.

They say that your early twenties are a time of dramatic change. But, I want to add painful to that description. There is an emotional bubble surrounding loss; the first person to admit they are upset or hurt is denoted as the loser. So, we keep moving with this mask of happiness on our faces—slowly watching the cracks scatter, threatening to expose us.

We allow these people a piece of us because we truly cannot see our lives without them. Society places a high prestige on the number of friends and followers and people we claim as friends. Society tells us that another’s desire for our company equals worthiness.

So, when we lose friends, we lose social standing.

This is why we feel bad about it. This is why it hurts. Losing a friendship hurts so badly. A person that possesses so many memories and secrets of your time together can now use it against you. They have this power on you because you still care and you will always care for them.

But, you must learn to care from a distance. You have to dig deep and pull self-assurance from within yourself. Hold your loyal friends close and spoil them rotten with love and affection because they stayed. Never allow those toxic friendships to bleed into the new ones, but allow your new support system to help heal you.

Understand that your high standards for a friendship should never sway or falter. Expecting loyalty, communication, and respect are basic components of a healthy relationship.

A lesson embeds itself in the healing process of loss.

Learn from it, but do not let it consume you.