I wish I was just like everyone else,

I wish I didn't have to pop a pill every single time I wanted to be happy.

I wish I didn't have to contemplate getting out of bed in the morning,

Because the outside world is a scary, scary place to be in anymore.

I wish tears didn't roll down my face whenever I heard the word "no",

Because facing rejection is something that I'm not accustomed to.

I wish that when I was in my boyfriend's arms,

I didn't feel so needy and alone.

I wish that I didn't have to look in the mirror,

Pinching every single piece of skin wanting to cut it all off.

I wish I didn't look at my face in the mirror,

I hate everything that I saw because I thought it was ugly and unlikable.

I wish that when I put on an outfit,

I would think that I looked beautiful.

I wished that when I took my make up off,

I wouldn't hate the skin that I saw.

Or the bags underneath my eyes.

Or the stretchmarks covering my body.

Or that my eyes no longer sparkle.

Or the redness that comes from crying.

I wish I felt beautiful whenever I got into the shower,

Instead of looking down at the body that I hate.

I wish that when I lathered myself in soap,

I felt like I was cleaning my body, not just covering it up.

I wish for once that I could wear tight clothing,

Showing off the sexy, confident me.

I wish whenever I put on a swimsuit,

I didn't want to break down and cry whenever I looked into the mirror.

I wish whenever I got out of the shower,

I could lay in my bra and underwear for a while,

Instead of quickly getting dressed because I hate everything about my body.

I wish that I could actually sleep at night for once,

Instead of crying myself to sleep.

I wish for once,

I could wake up next to him without wondering about the consequences.

I wish that my nightmares and anxiety would cease,

Because a good night's sleep would be nice for once.

I wish I could lay in my bed for an hour,

Not hours on end.

I wish my bed was a place for sleeping,

Not my permanent habitat.

I wish my bedroom was a place for relaxation,

Not my sanctuary.

I wish my friends and family understood,

What it's like to have horrible mood swings.

I wish my family understood what it's like,

Having a cloud of depression flooding your mind.

Having that cloud lingering over you for hours, days, weeks, months.

I wish my friends and family understood,

What it was like to be uncomfortable in your own skin,

To not want to participate in things because they're exhausting mentally.

To being afraid of being alone because of your thoughts,

Because you don't know what's real and what's fantasy anymore.

When fantasy is better than reality,

I wish they all understood what it's like to be me for a day.