We all have a person that we are extraordinarily close to. Yours could be your mom, your dad, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your best friend, anyone. I'm sure that you love them more than you could even try to explain to me.
Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator
Loving someone is a very complex and intricate thing. Of course, you probably love to be around the person you love most. You probably love laughing with them, talking with them, and doing life together. You probably get most of your emotional support from them, and you probably give them the same. And, I'm sure, you think they deserve all of the happiness in the world and want them to have it.
That's great and all. Seriously. But my primary concern for the people I love isn't there happiness.
Let me clarify: My end goal is their happiness. But if you love somebody, you need to encourage them to make wise choices that will lead to their eventual happiness; not their temporary happiness.
I've seen so many well-meaning people listen to their friends tell them about bad choices they are making, and it breaks my heart to hear them say, "Well, as long as you're happy, I'll support you." That is a load of sugar-coated, superficial junk that was invented for the sole purpose of keeping relationships civil. Don't get me wrong...you should always support the people you love. But you should support them in the right sense. Don't support someone's bad decisions! Support them as people, express your concern, and offer to guide them towards a better solution.
I'm sure we've all had a girl friend who started dating a really bad guy. She probably didn't realize it at the time because she was so infatuated and couldn't see past the "love shades". Your job as her friend isn't to say, "As long as you're happy, I support you." It's to say, "I know he makes you happy now, but there is a lot better happiness out there. Let's talk about it."
There are a lot of things that can make a person happy. Unfortunately, detrimental relationships, drugs, and dangerous lifestyles are just a few of them. But as an outsider to that situation, you have the ability to look at it objectively. You know that what is giving them momentary happiness won't last forever. In fact, if anything, it will only lead to hurt and heartache.
With this in mind, it's also important to remember that you can't make up their mind for them. In the end, it is their decision. Their choice. But if you're going to stand aside and watch them engage in destructive behavior, you've become an enabler. A person who truly cares about another person would step in and provide that necessary intervention. They would explain that out of love for them, they can't stay silent.
In the end, they might end up doing what you disagree with, and at some point, you're going to have to make peace with it. But if and when what you predicted happens, don't be waiting with an "I told you so." Be waiting with open arms to comfort them and be the friend you've been showing them you are all along. That's love.
