If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said that successful long distance relationships were like fairy tales; heartwarming and sweet, but ultimately, fictional. I believed that relationships were based on physical proximity- somebody you could go on dates with, stay up until three in the morning debating life’s big questions with, someone whose hand you could hold. Isn’t that the whole reason we have the Turkey Dump? When those naïve high school sweet-hearts break up as soon as they get a taste of college life without each other?
And here I am a year later, one-half of a long distance couple. I know, I know; I just told you all the reasons why long distance sucks but bear with me. There are a lot of ways to be in a toxic LDR: cheating, jealousy, controlling behavior, to say the least. But when you make an LDR work, the relationship that survives is super strong. A long distance couple can actually be healthier and happier than one that sees each other every day.
In fact, I believed a lot of things about relationships that turned out to be wrong but that’s a whole other article.
1. There’s no staying together out of convenience.
Long distance relationships are the opposite of convenient. Couples in college together might not realize that they don’t have to make an effort to spend time together if the other person just happens to be in your classes or live in your dorm. In an LDR, both partners have to actively make time for the other person out of their own schedules. This might be a nightly phone call, thoughtful text messages throughout the day or getting on a plane to see them. Coordinating two college/work schedules is a challenge and causes tension and frustration. So, if you’re suddenly 300 miles apart, you’ll find out very quickly whether or not you and your partner are together because you both just want someone to cuddle with or if you’re both truly invested in a long-term relationship.
2. Your communication skills rock.
You know that friend who thinks her boyfriend should be able to read her mind? Or the guy who never texts you until the last minute to hang out? For any couple those behaviors would be annoying, but for a long distance couple they would be relationship ending. Because you’re not physically together, talking to each other is how you stay connected. And thanks to your best friends, Facetime and Snapchat, your partner can be included in your life. Sometimes the most meaningful thing my boyfriend does is Snapchat me a picture of his french fries. Side note: I have a terrible habit of eating other people’s french fries and my boyfriend is well aware of this. So when I open that picture I get a reminder that he’s thinking of me.
3. You have awesome individual lives.
Not being able to hang out with your partner 24/7 forces you to look outside the relationship for social interaction. Yes, it might be tempting to sit on your couch with Ben & Jerry’s watching Netflix counting the minutes until you can talk to them again, but I guarantee that both of you will be happier if you pursue meaningful separate lives. Before we started dating, my boyfriend was my best friend, we ate every meal together and were almost inseparable. But when that wasn’t an option anymore we started becoming more involved at our respective schools. He joined the sound crew for the theater department and I rushed a sorority. I found a family on campus whom I would have never looked if my relationship was still the biggest part of my identity. And at the end of the day, it’s the best feeling to hear my boyfriend say “Guess what I did today…”
4. Your trust is rock solid.
Let’s get real, you don’t live in a vacuum. Both you and your partner are surrounded by other guys/girls/potential partners all day long, especially if you’re in college. But to keep yourself from going crazy, you have to learn to give each other space. You can’t go through their phone when they’re not sitting next to you and analyzing their snap story just isn’t effective. So you have to take a step back and rely on your partner to be just that: your person. I’d be lying if I said that jealousy doesn’t play a part in an LDR, but if the relationship is healthy, you find out that a night out with friends doesn’t mean that they’re forgetting all about you. You trust each other to live your own lives because you know your partner will be there when you need them.
