I've been confident in the decision to go far away for college for quite a long time because I wanted to experience something new as far as a city and culture. It's always been a dream of mine to go somewhere and live out an experience I never knew was possible. My family explained to me that I wouldn't see them as much and would basically only see them for breaks and if they came to visit and I thought to myself "Oh that will be great like that seems like a lot of time that I will be able to see my friends and family". This wasn't homesickness but it was a different feeling in which I've grown apart from my family when I didn't even seek that being a possibility. I had this feeling in my head that they weren't as pampering me as much as they did when I was younger and that is when I felt the largest disconnection between my parents and I.
When I come back for breaks, it's so good to see everyone but sometimes I feel out of loop because I went to school so far away and all my friends and family are all close together. I tell my friends and family sometimes that I wish I didn't go so far so I could see them more and be more present in their lives as well. It is definitely weird coming back and seeing them because I haven't seen them in a couple months. I choose going to school far away and I knew it would be hard but sometimes I wish it wasn't hard. I love going far away and I knew that I won't be that far for my whole life so I just should embrace the rest of the time I have at Arizona. I noticed it this year when I came back for Thanksgiving break and they were all talking about something that I didn't know and haven't heard. That is when I felt disconnected with my family the most. It has gotten a lot better because I have expressed how I felt and now I can communicate my feelings in a clearer matter.
I knew going into this it was going to be hard to be so far away and that I was choosing to do that but I didn't know it was going to be different. I have always had the most attention on me because I was the youngest of my family and I think coming back and not feeling that makes me sad because I was always the little girl. I have always been so involved in my family's life because we have gone on many trips together and i've seen them every single day. We have always been a very close family and I think going far has changed that for me even though it shouldn't have. It has taught me to look at the future and just keep every relationship as close and strong as I can. It has been hard on me but I know that it won't always be like this and that I also need to make more of an effort of talking and keeping up with everyone's life.