Hello -- here I am again, making mistakes so you don't have to. The average American college student dreams of studying abroad. Traveling the world with limited responsibilities on loans we'll probably never be able to pay back.. it's a dream, really. Lucky for you, I've made enough mistakes for the both of us -- and then some.
Here's how to really get the most out of your (Jude Law And A) Semester Abroad.
1. Pack drunkenly, the night before.
Six months? Four months? Two months? Can you even see straight months? Doesn't matter how many thongs you bring, you'll find yourself doing "laundry" in the sink anyways. After all, real "laundry" is like 2 euros a load, which is equivalent to half a pint of Guinness. Priorities, people.
2. Have one debit/credit card.
Get it stolen, lose it, or forget where it is inside your bag. Whatever you do, don't have a backup plan. I mean, the more (cards) you have, the more you have to lose -- am I right?
3. Get your phone stolen.
Lucky for me, I only really use mine for Instagram and Spotify, while simultaneously avoiding conversations with people on the other side of the pond. Unluckily, I no longer have a background screen of my cat, or an alarm clock. What better way to bring down a 3.7 GPA than by missing class studying abroad because you got your phone stolen in SOHO? Not sure if I'll have grandkids, but if I do, they'll probably enjoy that anecdote.
4. Break your laptop.
What better way to top off being phone-less than to knock your laptop off the top bunk of your bed, damaging its screen? Better yet, do this in a country that doesn't have Best Buy. All your insurance is through Best Buy. Having a nearby savior would just be too easy. Buy a new laptop! Do this so you can then be on financial hold at your institution you are studying away from. Who really needs to register for classes anyways? Not me, because I have a new laptop, and the European keyboard calls the "shift" sign a "pause" sign. Mandatory credits for graduation? Shit, I'm just trying to make it through this country.
5. Decide halfway through your term abroad that you're taking a gap year.
No, you didn't need to bring your 10 lb LSAT prep book. Recycle that $30 book so you no longer wake up to it staring at you in the middle of the night. Also, realize you've just wasted countless nights you could have been wasted (~feel the pun~) due to your *dedication* to a future you're no longer pursuing. Spend the rest of the "semester" marinating in your self despair.
6. Don't make friends.
You have friends at home, and a doting seventeen year old pussy waiting for you upon your return. Why bother getting along with people you travel with? Ask yourself this silently while you're lost in a foreign city at four AM -- without your phone or debit card, of course.
7. Go on a diet.
As Madonna once famously said, "When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." Well, Madonna and I have a lot more in common, aside from always feeling like a virgin when touched by a member of the opposite sex. When I'm hungry, I eat ramen noodles or crackers and cheese. I find myself thirsty a lot more here, so I drink beer for breakfast, whisky for lunch, and wine for dinner. And when I feel like saying something? I stick a cigarette in my mouth because frankly, no one here wants to hear anything I have to say. Their loss, UK tax's gains. Cheers to helping the Brexconomy!
