Perhaps it started harmless at first. Maybe they just occasionally enjoyed an episode of chopped now and then. At most they went and grabbed a recipe for something that really looked good off of the website. But then, you start to notice the signs. Your DVR becomes flooded with episodes of The Chew and Giada at Home. Dinners that used to be chicken nuggets and hot dogs have now become things like pan seared ahi tuna with an arugula salad and purple potato puree cooked to varying degrees of success. Grocery store trips take longer and longer as they search for the exact kind of olive oil Rachel said to get. If you have noticed any of these signs then yes, you too may be living with a Food Network addict.
Do. Not. Panic. Everything is going to be okay. Yes you may begin to gain weight as your loved one continues to cook dish after complicated dish expecting you to try every bite. You may not have room to fit leftovers around all of your loved ones fresh ingredients (because seriously farm to table is the only way to go). You may become tired of hearing exactly where truffles come from and why they happen to be so expensive. And yes, their mood is going to be completely dependent on who was last kicked out on Food Network Star, but trust me, it will be okay.
The only proper way to handle this situation is to sit your loved one down and have a talk with them about why their behavior is disturbing. It is recommended that this is done approximately at 2:42 p.m. Too early for a late lunch and too late for early dinner. We are trying to explain to them that their life will be okay without such a high amount of “The Network” so getting them as far away from food as possible is ideal. Perhaps the powder room or a storage closet would be the proper location. You must get the point across that while they feel like a professional chef when watching the Food Network, their family are not professional eaters, and would likely much more prefer something a little simpler like hot pockets or pizza bagels. Let them know that it frightens you when they quote Bobby Flay verbatim on what the proper burger to bun ratio is. Let them know that you miss them, and miss the times you used to have watching things like CBS or TLC.
I have supreme confidence that this will do the trick, but on the off chance that you are not successful there are some benefits to be appreciated here. For instance, should you go to a fancy restraunt, your mom would be more than happy to tell you what flan is. That’s not nothing. If your school allows you to bring food into school for an event of some sort the students and staff will likely be very impressed, albeit a little confused. Finally, you may just learn a little cooking yourself along the way considering how much they talk about it. Just make sure you don’t fall into the same trap known only as, The Food Network.
