Being a second-generation immigrant comes with a medley of culture in my house and I am grateful for it. Having a parent that grew up in an entirely different country with an entirely different set of values has created a dual upbringing for me; one that was based on an American set of values where hard work will lead to success and another based on Korean fundamentals like respecting your elders and having proper etiquette. My mother speaks fluent English and I don’t hit a wall when communicating with her. However, my grandmother moved to the States and never learned much English. The little English that she does know includes the basics: "hello," "I love you," "do you understand," "yes/no," and she will occasionally call my uncle Hulk Hogan because he looks like him (grandma loves wrestling).
In a span of 24 hours, I have walked my grandmother back and forth from my living room to the bathroom about a dozen times already. She can’t remember where the bathroom is and when she leaves the bathroom, she forgets that she was in there and has to go back 10 minutes later. On a significantly bad day, she will completely forget who I am and I’ll have to explain to her how we are related. I have to do this pretty much with just hand motions and a few words because of the difficulty of that language barrier.
The language barrier actually seems to be one of the easier things to deal with when it comes to caring for my grandma. The harder part of it all is staying on top of what she’s doing all the time to make sure she doesn’t end up falling in the bathtub or passing out in the backyard. It’s honestly really frustrating when I have to stay with her constantly because she can’t handle being by herself for more than 20 minutes. The daily frustrations take a toll on me and my entire family, especially my dad who is home with her more than anybody else. He spends many hours a day trying to get her to eat or walking her around outside in a wheelchair to keep her entertained. It doesn’t get easier each day just because I spend so much time with her. It gets harder and harder and more discouraging when I have to remind her that I’m her granddaughter and I have to constantly repeat my name to her.
As discouraging as it may get sometimes though, I have to remind myself that caring for my grandma is more important than how frustrated or tired I get from dealing with her daily shenanigans. I may get tired, but I can’t imagine how scary it must be for grandma when she wakes up and doesn’t know whose house she’s in or who all of these people are in the house with her. The fear and confusion that she lives with every single day that comes with her dementia must be terrifying for her, and I have to think about her first.
Caring for an elder, especially an elder with dementia or Alzheimer’s, is terribly difficult. It’s depressing to see someone you love slowly lose their mind and lose their ability to live independently. The best thing to do is to remind yourself that you only have so long with that person. As wearisome as it may be to constantly keep up with them, all of the care and love you show that person is worth it in the end.
