The word exhaustion has quickly jumped its way to the top of my vocabulary list in recent months. I sometimes like to tell myself that it is because I am a full time college student working towards two bachelors degrees along with working a part time job all while trying to finish series after series on Netflix (we all have our priorities). However, the basket filled with medicine and vitamins I have to utilize twice a day, everyday, remind me that there truly is only one cause: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.

I will not bore you, or myself, with the details. Instead I will simply attempt to give you a deeper insight into chronic illnesses with the hope of you being able to understand and perhaps be a little more patient when you come across someone whose world is billions of miles away from yours due to their own ailment. Okay, I officially hate that word and I promise not to use it again.

For the sake of imagery and understanding, we will refer to chronic illness as a “test” from here on out. As a serious student, I can tell you the resemblance is astonishing; especially to standardized tests, I mean who likes those?

The most stressful part of any test is trying to figure out exactly what material it will be on in order to best prepare yourself. This test, my test, in particular can wreck havoc on you mentally and physically for years, until it is determined exactly what the material might be.

Even then, it features open ended questions. For those of you unfamiliar with what an open ended question is (lucky you!), it is when a teacher, in my case a doctor, gives you an oftentimes lengthy question seemingly without any sort of concrete answer. A “read between the lines” type question. As in, you do your best but you can never truly be sure whether the teacher will agree with your analysis. The doctors do their best but your illness and your body may not see the same shade of gray that they do.

With each question you can feel your head pounding more and more.

Each answer is second guessed, causing more stress and therefore more pain.

More. More. More. There is always more; you keep thinking it has to be almost over but the numbers just keep climbing with every turning page.

There is always that point during a test where you feel as though if you have to touch your pencil to the paper one more time your hand is going to fall off. During my test, every step feels as though the next one will be when my body gives out.

By far the worst of all of it though is that head space you get into after the test where you keep going over your answers in your head trying to figure out what you did that was wrong. It is isolating. Nobody better bother you in the middle of that or you’ll snap for seemingly no reason at all. The blunt fact is, they just don't understand. They try to offer their answers or assure you of your own but they don't understand. They aren't inside your brain, they don't know about the process. No one knows. No one gets it.

As if all of that isn't exhausting enough, my test cruelly keeps me up at night. My all nighters “studying” never seem to end despite all the medicine, believe me there is a lot of it, that tries to convince my body otherwise, my test won't let me sleep.

Currently I'm studying for 3 tests (we are back to real life college now) and as a girl who strives for straight A’s, God willing, I understand perfectly how awful and stressful a test can be. I take a lot of them. This test though, my test, it is by far the most difficult and strenuous test I have ever been given. Dropping out is not an option, not taking the test is not an option. So I take it and I go through everything I've mentioned above and much more daily. There's always more, remember?

Whenever my classes start to get difficult, I've always told myself that it may be painful but it will be worth it.

That is my mantra, someday, somehow, all of this torture will be worth it. My test may not ever end, but that doesn’t mean I can't still become stronger, wiser and better because of it.

So whatever test you face in life, just know that you are not alone. I may not understand what your test is like or how you got your answers, but I understand what it is like to take the hardest test of your life and to still have to keep going.

I understand the word exhausted, and I know you do too.

So let's be exhausted together, you and me.

We are good at that.