Have you ever heard of an invisible illness? If not, let me tell you what it is like. It is that moment where you feel physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. You feel consistent pain throughout you body and you try day in and day out to put a smile on your face. You try to hide that you have something and you do not want anyone to notice. Well, this is my story.
For a few months I complained about being constantly cold and tired. This was a norm for me because I was always cold in the winter, much like anybody else. However, when the winter came, I would lose feeling in my hands and feet, having them turn a lovely shade of blue and needing to wear about three layers of clothing to try and help me stay warm. My boyfriend, parents would try everything to help and after a while I just said stop. I figured there was really nothing that could be done. Then I began to randomly bruise. That is when I went to my mother's rheumatologist and she decided after already knowing our family health history, run a number of blood tests. I figured I had anemia since it runs in the family. Well about two weeks later, the results came in. The day after my 22nd birthday, my results came back clean. Nothing. Well now I am stumped. After explaining everything again, my doctor had come to realization that I have Fibromyalgia. For those who do not know what Fibromyalgia is, here is a quick rundown.
Fibro is the widespread pain throughout the body, mostly focusing through the muscle and skeleton. The symptoms come with fatigue, headaches, joint pain, burning sensations and many more. There are medications that could be taken. However, I due not take anything but Tylenol unless it is needed. In the weeks of finding out about this, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was sad and in pain. However, no one really saw it. My mother knew the pain I felt because she also suffers from Fibro. But happy birthday to me right?
As if I thought I was only going to have to deal with just Fibro. Oh, but was I wrong. As finals week approached in my final semester of college, I went to the gym with my sister and father. My sister had shown me some routines she normally does and decided to join. After a highly vigorous workout, one that has not been done before, I felt tired and I had to stop. Two days later, we were out to dinner for Mother's day and I was complaining of severe pain and nausea. I thought it was nothing at first, maybe a pulled muscle. Late Sunday night, I told my boyfriend to drive me to the hospital and we met my parents there. We began to think it was my appendix. Well the hospital did their CT scans and sonograms and came up inconclusive. Five hours of my life to be told to go see a doctor because they cannot help me. Wonderful! The next day I go to meet with a new internist and he tells me to have an endoscopy done. Maybe I have an ulcer, who knows. Welp, much to my dismay it was not. Now the new option is my gallbladder. At this point the pain had gotten worse and I could barely sit in my four hour courses. I had an ultrasound done followed by a Hida scan. A Hida scan is a test done to take a closer look at the Gallbladder, Liver and Bile Ducts to see if anything was wrong. Those results came back about two weeks later and everything was negative. When I got my results, I became sad and frustrated. After two months of suffering with severe pain, I was left at a dead end. Once again, I spoke to the doctor telling him about my symptoms and he had another new opinion.
Costochondritis! What on earth is that? Well, it is the inflammation of the ribs and the breast bone. Every time one feels pain, it feels like they are having a heart attack. Yes I said heart attack. Costochondritis mimickes that kind of pain.
I am a 22 year old young woman, straight out of college, working a full time job. I am also fighting two different invisible illnesses that work against each other day in and day out. I put on a brave face everyday, even when I want to cry in pain. Trust me, behind closed doors, before and after I went to school or work, all I did and sometimes do is cry.
I am writing this article for every one to see. Even if you do not know me, I want people to know that this can happen to anybody. It does not matter the age or gender. This is my life and I know there are others in the world who suffer from an invisible illness. So when you tell us, "But you don't look sick" just stop. Just because you do not have to deal with this, does not mean you have the right to assume we are okay. I never look sick, but just know on the inside, I am.
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