Thanksgiving is just a few days away and, with that, the holiday season is officially upon us. The past several years, I've found myself so wanting to really slow down and savor the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. At the start of it all and, in my head, I'm this calm, rested, un-stressed version of myself who spends my December baking cookies, studying Advent, and not resenting the many events that so quickly fill up my calendar.

But then Christmas Eve rolls around, and I often feel like I "missed it." My shopping was done, the parties had been attended and enjoyed, but I knew I hadn't pressed into the fullness of the season at a heart level. I'd just kind of "gotten through it." And I wonder if I'm not the only one who has felt that tension.

And I LOVE Christmas. Like, I start listening to Christmas music in October. We already have two artificial trees up in our house. And I look forward to it all year. And yet I can still get overwhelmed by it all. I realized this year that not much about my holiday calendar will change. Most of our annual Christmas parties take place within the same few weeks as they always do. All of our immediate family lives either in our town or within an hour of us (AND all of our siblings are married and have in-laws who live in town, as well). That's a lot to coordinate. No one in our family is flying to visit relatives at Christmas. We're all right here. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. I LOVE being with everyone in our family at each holiday. But for some reason I can stress out a little on the front end about how we will make time for everyone, for everything, and try to just "plan it all out." But then when I arrive at our holiday gatherings and see all the people that I love, I realize there's no where else I'd rather be.

And sometimes I'll look at a week on my calendar that has two, maybe even three Christmas parties within a span of a few days, and think, "Oh my gosh this week will be nuts!" But then I actually GET to the party and realize, once again, I'm with dear friends. People that I love. What seemed like another thing to check off the list suddenly becomes a life-giving few hours of laughter and memory-making.

I know that for many people, the holidays really do add a lot of real, relational tension and stress to an already full season. Difficult family dynamics become hard to avoid. Loss of a loved one becomes especially fresh and painful. Personal brokenness and hurt seem to be magnified in what feels like the opposite of "the most wonderful time of the year." For others, maybe the holidays are just a dreaded span of weeks that they can't wait to be over. Too busy. Too greedy. Too cheery. Too expensive. Too everything. So they grit their teeth, eat all the peppermint bark, and sigh a big sigh of relief on December 26th. For many, the holidays are just hard.

But I am beginning to wonder if, no matter the busyness or brokenness we are facing, there is something precious to be enjoyed this holiday season. Two years ago, we received the news that we would soon miscarry our first pregnancy during the Christmas season. It was an incredibly painful month, and yet there was something inside of me that was still so grateful for the joy of Christmas. For the hope of Jesus that Christmas reminds us of. For the simple gifts of things like Christmas trees and twinkle lights and wrapping gifts. I clung to each of those sweet treasures, to the goodness of Jesus, and to the love we were shown by others, and they were like a salve to my broken heart in that season.

So this holiday season, I want to live with an unhurried heart amidst all the hustle. To look at my full calendar and be thankful, rather than overwhelmed. And to let myself off the hook if I don't get all the "traditional" things done. The fact that we feel like we have to do so many things is kind of bizarre, when I think about it. No one is making me send Christmas cards. Or bake cookies from scratch. Or take my kid to Zoo Lights. Or even put up Christmas lights on our house. And yet we let these things take over because we SHOULD. I think if everyone figured out what worked for them and their family, and purposed to enjoy the holidays rather than just endure them, we'd probably all have a lot more joy.

This year I have some simple goals for myself. I want to do a lot of my Christmas shopping online and at small businesses, rather than spending so much time dealing with crowds and parking lots and stress. I want to eat dinner around my table with my little family at least once a week (I told you, SIMPLE GOALS). I want to be really present at each gathering, each party. I know I need to have some more intentional self-imposed boundaries regarding social media use so that I'm doing WAY less absent-minded scrolling through Instagram looking at what everyone else is doing that I "should" do or wish I was doing.

I don't want to get to Christmas Eve again and feel like I missed it. Like I got sidetracked and distracted, once again, by all the extra things that come along with this season. There's another way. And I don't think it means I bail on every party or event I'm invited to (or planning/ hosting). I think it means that I start with my attitude, with my own heart.

I'm reminded of the Scripture verse in Luke 2:19 that describes the posture of Mary's heart after the birth of Jesus, "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Treasured up. Pondered. Unhurried. Thoughtful. Contemplative. Intentional. With each memory made this season, and with my mind fixed on the good news of King Jesus, I want to treasure up all the God has for me this holiday season.

More receiving, less rushing. More humility, less hustle. More time spent with people, less obsession with my "to-do's."

What things will you do to live with an unhurried heart this holiday season?