All my life, I have dreamt of being extraordinary.
When I was young, I dreamt of being an extraordinary cook like my mother and grandmother and aunt.
When I was young, I dreamt of playing violin in front of thousands of people and seamlessly have the notes spill off the strings.
When I was young, I dreamt of going to state championships with my swim team or swimming in college.
When I was young, I dreamt of becoming someone extraordinary.
But me? 18-year-old Lindsey looking back on the dreams of the past?
I do not feel extraordinary. I feel complacent, worn, tired and unmotivated.
"Oh, but if you had worked harder..."
"Oh, but if you had pursued this instead..."
These and dozens of others buzz through my head each day -- I question myself and I wonder why I didn't push harder to be great. To be the best at something.
Truth is, though, little Lindsey who dreamt of greatness didn't know the joy of simplicity and quiet. She didn't understand how nice it is to sit down amongst flowers and trees and a vast blustery sky and write down what one feels, thinks or hears. She didn't know the joy of little moments. She didn't know the joy of failure. She didn't know the joy of attaining small goals.
I have decided that I will be extraordinary in my own way. I won't ever be the best at anything and I won't ever be the eye-turner in a room or in life -- but I will live my life well. Even when I find myself feeling complacent, worn, tired and unmotivated, I will live my life well.
Because when stress hits me and I can't take it anymore, I have the blessing of being able to pick up that instrument with four beautiful strings and make euphonious melodies that are instantly relieving.
When I need to exercise, I can go to the pool and feel alive with a few laps.
When I need a meal I can scratch something up in order to feed myself, and one day I look forward to honing those skills.
For now, I wait and I ponder and I write. I live quietly and peacefully, and it's wonderful.
I don't need to be the best at anything, life is not some sort of competition.
I have vowed to live a simplistically extraordinary life.
