Midterm season is rough on everybody. I can feel my stress levels rising exponentially, to the point where I am ending every day absolutely exhausted, and wishing that I didn't have to start all over when I wake up. Don't get me wrong, I like working hard and feeling like I am getting a good education, otherwise I would feel like I was wasting my time. I enjoy my classes, even though they are time-consuming and perhaps more stressful than I would like. And yet sometimes, I can't help but look around at the people whose majors don't have quite as much homework, who have time to do the things they like to do without a sense of guilt hanging over them, and I get jealous.

I am excited about the career path I'm pursuing, and I don't find myself wanting to change that. But I guess I struggle with the concept of having an enjoyable college experience, and just enjoyable life in general by taking the time to do things I love and slowing down, when it seems as though that is completely incompatible with still doing well in my academics. I'm not sure if it just takes me longer than other people to understand the same concepts, but I feel as though I hardly ever have any free time to do much of anything except go to class, go to lab, do my homework, do my readings, complete my lab reports, and study for the next quiz/test. And I really miss just being able to read a book for a bit, or watch a movie with friends, without knowing that doing so means I will have to work extra hard the next day to compensate for that time I took off.

In Psychology class we have been learning about extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation, and how that somebody who has intrinsic motivation to complete a task is on average more likely to complete it and complete future similar tasks compared to somebody doing it because of the reward being offered. I like to think that I am intrinsically motivated to do well in my classes, although obviously a lot of weight is put on the extrinsic motivation of getting good grades as well. But what happens when that motivation starts to wane a bit, when I'm starting to miss having time to myself a little more, and sitting down with my textbooks for the remainder of the day feels just a little more unappealing? Should I just allow myself to relax more in the moment, even if that means damage to my plans to the future? I don't think that is necessarily the right option, and yet it seems difficult to imagine that my entire next couple of years need to be spent in this same manner. After all, if you are always living for the future, you never will enjoy the present, and suddenly there goes your life.

I think sacrifice is necessary for achievement of long term goals, and if your goals aren't requiring any sacrifice, they probably aren't allowing you to reach your full potential of what you can do. That being said, I think sometimes you can push yourself over your limit. Living day to day has importance as well, because otherwise you burn out, and ultimately lose that intrinsic motivation which is what pushes you to go through the next day, the next week, the next year. Finding a balance can be difficult-- this quarter was just slightly too much for me, and each day has been a little bit more of a struggle than I find doable, and I am more just trying to keep my head above water than anything else. So I'm reducing what I'm tackling, a little, for next quarter. It doesn't mean that I'm switching my major, or giving up, and it also doesn't mean that I'm weak or unable to handle stress. There has to be a balance between these two aspects of life, and I think that is something everybody can benefit from reminding them self in their day to day walk of balancing between today and the future.