10 Things You Could Only Ever Hear In The Tutwiler Elevator

10 Things You Could Only Ever Hear In The Tutwiler Elevator

The inside scoop on what it's really like living in Tutwiler.
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The Julia Tutwiler Residence Hall houses over 900 freshman girls at the University of Alabama and living there is no picnic. While you can hear plenty of people complaining and spilling spicy details around the campus itself, nothing quite lives up to the iconic conversations that one hears in Tut's elevators. Here are ten things you will always hear in Tut's elevators.

1. "I threw up in my room because I was too embarrassed to throw up in the bathroom again."

It is a Tuesday morning, ma'am. What kind of life are you living to where you can get lit Monday night? Also, please, for the sake of your roommate, throw up in the bathroom. No one wants to wake up for their 8 am to the sound of you retching. I, on the behalf of all the girls in Tutwiler, promise not to judge you. We have all been or at some point will be in your position.

2. "The cops showed up and I almost got a SNAM."

How did you get out of it? Did you fake cry? Who did get a SNAM? Come on, Claire, spill all the dirty details to your friend so that I can be satisfied with this trip down to Julia's.

3. "I swear to God, I am getting sick."

Not today, honey, not today. Please isolate yourself if you are sick in Tutwiler otherwise you're contaminating everyone else, there is no way not to.

4. "My head hurts and I could throw up at any moment."

As you can tell, hangovers and parties are some of the most prominent topics in talking to a random stranger in the Tutwiler elevator. When it comes to throwing up, please refer to my pleads in #1.

5. "This dorm is a prison, I should have lived at *insert any other dorm on campus*."

This became more of a prominent complaint when we realized that we couldn't have visitors walk in and out as we pleased as is allowed with other dormitories around campus, like Ridgecrest, for example. This complaint is more prominent during the beginning of the first semester, but now most of us are just saying c'est la vie.

6. "Did she actually just take the elevator to floor four?"

There is an unwritten (definitely not unspoken) rule at Tut that if you live below or on floor five, you take the stairs up to your room. However, if I see Julie carrying two laundry hampers filled to the brim with fresh clothes and also struggling to keep her books and detergent from falling out of her arms, I am going to give her a free pass to take the elevator to floor four, or even two for that matter. Come on ladies, have some sympathy.

7. "I don't know if I want to be a sexy schoolgirl or teacher for this swap."

By the end of the night, you are all going to look the same. That is just a given, I am sorry. Be a sexy teacher, then there will be at least one girl there that isn't wearing a plaid skirt.

8. Literally what to wear for any swap, ever.

This is the most prominent topic in the Tut elevator and honestly, I commend these girls for still having the drive to actually try and spend over half their time planning their outfits and looks for these swaps. But seriously, how are you still going? If I have learned anything from Instagram, it's that you can just throw glitter on for any swap and you're good to go. Just do that ladies, do the bare minimum and thrive.

9. "I am just going to start ignoring the fire alarms."

I understand sleeping through the fire alarm that goes off at four in the morning, but this, this shook me to the core. Blatantly ignoring the fire alarm that goes off at two in the afternoon? That I cannot understand. Yes, this semester has never had an actual fire but what if the one time you decide to be hardcore and rebel against the fire alarm - there is an actual fire? I know this is just a rhetorical question that is going to be thrown to the wind but I am honestly bewildered.

10. "I hate these elevators."

Every girl in Tutwiler has a love/hate relationship with the elevators. You know that really common safety feature in elevators that if it senses something blocking the doors, it won't close? Yeah, Tut elevators don't seem to have that nice feature and will close, whether you are there or not. Also, they will call out at an obnoxiously loud volume each floor you pass even though it is clearly visible on the screen which floor you are about to arrive at. However, we can't help but love the elevators at the same time because nobody wants to walk five flights of stairs when we are all already struggling to thrive as is.

Cover Image Credit: Megan Murray

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35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."
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Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."


3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."


4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.


"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.


“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. ...so are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.


Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."


25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.


"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.


"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."


30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.


"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"


32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."


34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."


35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

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6 Ways To Decorate Your Dorm Or Apartment For The Holidays On A Budget

Baby, it's cold outside.

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As the holiday season approaches, it's easy to get sucked into the Pinterest vortex of holiday decorations, party favors, clothes and more. Unfortunately most of us college students don't have the money for all of this cute stuff so we have to watch for bargains or DIY it. Here are my six recommendations to get into the Christmas spirit:

1. String some festive lights in your room

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/199565827208188172/

I have Christmas lights hanging up in my room all year around because I love them so much, but you can find some cheap lights at Target or Walmart. You can get snowflake lights, lantern lights, normal Christmas lights or anything else that you want. Use command strips to hang them up, and soon it'll feel more relaxing and you'll be more in the Christmas spirit.

2. Use window clings

https://guide.alibaba.com/shop/merry-christmas-window-clings-north-pole-train-snowflakes-penguins-gingerbread-men-1-sheet-15-clings_1005699551.html

I love window clings! You stick them on from the inside (obviously) and then you can see them from the outside. I have different window clings for almost every season. If you have some old window clings that don't stick anymore, just put a little bit of water on the back of them and they'll stick like they're brand new.

3. Raid the Target dollar section

https://corporate.target.com/article/2015/11/bullseyes-playground

So, this depends on where you live and how often your local Target changes out their dollar section, but you would be surprised in what you could find there!

4. Hunt around for a mini tree (real or fake)

https://www.yourbestdigs.com/reviews/best-artificial-christmas-trees/?nabt=1&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

I used to have a fake little green Christmas tree with cute little ornaments but sadly I don't have it anymore nor do I have room for it anywhere in my room. A little Christmas tree in your room or on your dresser just makes everything a little bit more festive. I used to have my little Christmas tree on my dresser until my cat found it. Yeah, you know where that is going.

5. Make easy DIY decorations

http://findinghomefarms.com/10-minute-christmas-decorating-idea-chalk-pen-galvanized-buckets/

Pinterest is the best website for this, well actually they're known for DIY projects. Why spend $50 on one Christmas decoration when you can do a DIY and spend only $20?

6. Use Winter themed candles

http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/e/christmas-gift-guide.html

I love Bath and Body works because they always have the best sales and you can usually get something half priced or sometimes something for free! Plus everything smells so good in that store and it's so tempting to buy everything but if you come into the store with a goal, you'll leave with your goal.

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