The Julia Tutwiler Residence Hall houses over 900 freshman girls at the University of Alabama and living there is no picnic. While you can hear plenty of people complaining and spilling spicy details around the campus itself, nothing quite lives up to the iconic conversations that one hears in Tut's elevators. Here are ten things you will always hear in Tut's elevators.
1. "I threw up in my room because I was too embarrassed to throw up in the bathroom again."
It is a Tuesday morning, ma'am. What kind of life are you living to where you can get lit Monday night? Also, please, for the sake of your roommate, throw up in the bathroom. No one wants to wake up for their 8 am to the sound of you retching. I, on the behalf of all the girls in Tutwiler, promise not to judge you. We have all been or at some point will be in your position.
2. "The cops showed up and I almost got a SNAM."
How did you get out of it? Did you fake cry? Who did get a SNAM? Come on, Claire, spill all the dirty details to your friend so that I can be satisfied with this trip down to Julia's.
3. "I swear to God, I am getting sick."
Not today, honey, not today. Please isolate yourself if you are sick in Tutwiler otherwise you're contaminating everyone else, there is no way not to.
4. "My head hurts and I could throw up at any moment."
As you can tell, hangovers and parties are some of the most prominent topics in talking to a random stranger in the Tutwiler elevator. When it comes to throwing up, please refer to my pleads in #1.
5. "This dorm is a prison, I should have lived at *insert any other dorm on campus*."
This became more of a prominent complaint when we realized that we couldn't have visitors walk in and out as we pleased as is allowed with other dormitories around campus, like Ridgecrest, for example. This complaint is more prominent during the beginning of the first semester, but now most of us are just saying c'est la vie.
6. "Did she actually just take the elevator to floor four?"
There is an unwritten (definitely not unspoken) rule at Tut that if you live below or on floor five, you take the stairs up to your room. However, if I see Julie carrying two laundry hampers filled to the brim with fresh clothes and also struggling to keep her books and detergent from falling out of her arms, I am going to give her a free pass to take the elevator to floor four, or even two for that matter. Come on ladies, have some sympathy.
7. "I don't know if I want to be a sexy schoolgirl or teacher for this swap."
By the end of the night, you are all going to look the same. That is just a given, I am sorry. Be a sexy teacher, then there will be at least one girl there that isn't wearing a plaid skirt.
8. Literally what to wear for any swap, ever.
This is the most prominent topic in the Tut elevator and honestly, I commend these girls for still having the drive to actually try and spend over half their time planning their outfits and looks for these swaps. But seriously, how are you still going? If I have learned anything from Instagram, it's that you can just throw glitter on for any swap and you're good to go. Just do that ladies, do the bare minimum and thrive.
9. "I am just going to start ignoring the fire alarms."
I understand sleeping through the fire alarm that goes off at four in the morning, but this, this shook me to the core. Blatantly ignoring the fire alarm that goes off at two in the afternoon? That I cannot understand. Yes, this semester has never had an actual fire but what if the one time you decide to be hardcore and rebel against the fire alarm - there is an actual fire? I know this is just a rhetorical question that is going to be thrown to the wind but I am honestly bewildered.
10. "I hate these elevators."
Every girl in Tutwiler has a love/hate relationship with the elevators. You know that really common safety feature in elevators that if it senses something blocking the doors, it won't close? Yeah, Tut elevators don't seem to have that nice feature and will close, whether you are there or not. Also, they will call out at an obnoxiously loud volume each floor you pass even though it is clearly visible on the screen which floor you are about to arrive at. However, we can't help but love the elevators at the same time because nobody wants to walk five flights of stairs when we are all already struggling to thrive as is.