What Life Is Like For Women Living With A Hormonal Imbalance

Living With Unpredictable Hormones Is A Balancing Act

Struggling with your hormones can make you feel like you're at war with yourself.

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There are a lot of ways that being a woman is a lot more difficult than being a man (and vice versa), but when I'm asked to say which part of being a woman is the absolute most difficult, I would personally have to say dealing with the erratic hormones that come along with being female.

Although every human has hormones and every human can suffer due to those hormones (hellooo, pubescent acne!), woman go through a lot more hormonal changes a lot more often than men. And although this is just a normal part of life that women have to learn to handle, it doesn't make the hormones any less frustrating or upsetting.

Some women don't have any issues with their hormones. They menstruate normally, their metabolism works fine and they rarely feel moody or unable to control their emotions. Some women, like me, aren't so lucky and they feel the burden of their unpredictable hormones quite often.

I have struggled with my hormones since I hit puberty.

My mom found me curled up in the corner of my room sobbing one time just because I was PMSing. I actually cry uncontrollably quite often due to my hormones. I've cried because I accidentally put tomatoes in the fridge, I've cried because I didn't have enough time to bake a cake and just last month I was getting a cup of water in my kitchen and all of a sudden became so uncontrollably sad that I couldn't stop crying.

That's just a few of the many issues I've had to deal with due to my erratic hormones.

I've had weight gain and difficulty losing said weight. Once my hormones become more balanced, I lose weight easily and effortlessly and don't gain it back easily. I need to be on a very specific birth control, or else my hormones will go insane, and I need to be on birth control, or else my hormones will go insane. I get migraines during certain times in my cycle and I will feel inexplicably tense just because my hormones have me on edge. I developed early onset adult acne when I was 19 because my body produces too many androgens to handle. I had cystic, painful acne all of my face and back that took months to finally fix.

This past winter was the most troublesome time for my hormones.

I was tired every day, but I was unable to fall asleep at night. I had heartburn every day for three months straight and it would be triggered by anything. If I ate the wrong thing, drank the wrong thing, even if I exercised, I instantly got heartburn.

My acne started acting up again as well, to the point that I had my dermatologist increase my medicine dosage to try and balance it out. I gained a ton of weight, more than I ever had, even though I was walking 5 or more miles a day, only drank water and ate exactly the same as I did months previously. And the worst of all was how moody I'd became.

I lost interest in everything. Nothing excited me anymore, and nothing felt enjoyable anymore. I cried in my closet a lot (I don't know why I picked the closet; I honestly think I just liked how dark it was in there). I was also angry all the time. I felt angry at the entire world and I really didn't like myself. I felt unable to do anything, completely useless, while other's around me seemed to have their lives together and on track.

My hormones have improved a lot since, mostly because I've gone to doctors and because I've started taking one million vitamins and supplements a day. When I can't sleep, I watch ASMR videos to relax me (I know it sounds weird but it works, OK?), and when I'm super tired I ingest a lot of B vitamins to get me through the day.

My weight has improved a lot, but it's still a work in progress. My moods are still pretty erratic, but I've gotten better at taking a deep breath and reminding myself that it's not how I actually feel. My methods aren't always what a "perfect" lifestyle blogger would recommend, but I'm living a real life on a real-life schedule, and sometimes it's necessary to do what I can to feel better.

Being a girl is hard for many reasons, but the constant battle with our erratic hormone's is one of the hardest.

Pill, medicines, supplements, diet, exercise and more are necessary when finding a balance in our bodies and our minds. It also takes months of experimenting with different methods to finally feel like we're in control.

I remember going to yoga one night last March after I went to the doctor and changed my medicine to try and fix my hormones. Since I was feeling better, I finally motivated myself to leave my apartment without even being obligated to do so, and it felt so good to have my body and mind so in sync. I remember thinking, "This is the first time I've felt like I'm actually in control of myself in months."

Struggling with your hormones can make you feel like you're at war with yourself. Gaining control of unpredictable hormones is hard, but not at all impossible.

Although it takes time, effort (a LOT of effort) and many trips to various doctors, finally striking the right balance in your body feels like one of the greatest victories of all.

Cover Image Credit:

Jolie Delia

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs. In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm..

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Starting T Didn't Go The Way I Planned And I'm So Thankful For That

Nothing ever goes as it should, so why should this?

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On April 4, 2019, I officially started the medical part of my transition. I say the medical part of my transition because my transition started long before that day, this was just the medical aspect of things. The day before was my 20th birthday and my mom came to town to surprise me. A few months ago she told me that she had scheduled an appointment with my endocrinologist for June 4, 2019, so that I could talk to them about starting T. Over dinner that night my mom told me that part of my birthday present was that she lied about my appointment, it was actually April 4th and not June 4th.

After I got over the initial shock, tears of joy and excitement, my mom and I had a long serious talk about things to make sure that I was ready to go through with things. The time I had to prepare had been cut down from two months to less than 24 hours. At first, I was panicking because I like to prepare for things but this is something that I have wanted for a long time.

When I went to the doctor's office the next day I was ready, I felt calm and prepared. I knew that my life was about to change in a way that I desperately needed and wanted it to. Even though I was ready for this moment I was still super fucking nervous, I left my letters (the letters a therapist has to write for you in order to start your transition) at home so my mom had to run home and get them while I was filling out my paperwork.

After talking with my doctor and her giving me the okay to start, I found out that it would probably be another two weeks before I actually started T because of the insurance company handles the prescriptions. But the way things were working, I got home, my mom left, and fifteen minutes later I got a text saying my prescription was ready for pickup. Again, my time to prepare went from two weeks to instantly.

When I got picked up the prescription and went to the doctor's office to learn how to do my shots I knew everything was right. This whole process wasn't supposed to start until two months from now, and then when it started I was supposed to have two weeks to prepare because of the insurance company. But, it all started instantly and I'm SO thankful for that. If this process hadn't gone the way it did then I wouldn't have a really cool story to tell, I wouldn't have started T the day after my 20th birthday, and I wouldn't be able to tell the world that my mom really does go above and beyond for me. This wouldn't have been possible without her, she really went above and beyond for this one.

Thank you momma, I love you so much. TGFE.

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