Trying to find the right words to explain what I'm often feeling is hard. There isn't one single phrase that can describe the emotions that I encounter on a daily basis. Sometimes it is easiest to let someone else describe your limitations. Most often a photo can tell a whole story. So here's a video that can describe my whole life.
The image of a person struggling with anxiety and depression is no longer limited to the debilitating disease that restricts one to their bed and lacks interest to have a conversation with friends and family members.
If you looked at me, you would see a put together young women, one who is involved, loves learning and achieving in the classroom and is constantly laughing with friends and family. If you looked at me, you would see pure happiness, and I truly am.
Like most twenty-something women, I have dreams to travel the world, to go above and beyond to help others, and to live a long and full life. I'm just like anyone else. I live for the experiences that life has to offer, but sometimes, my experiences are skewed by my inner voice. I hear that I could have put more effort into that paper, or I could have talked on the phone longer to my friend going through a hard time, or I could have planned out my week to be more efficient.
My inner chatterbox keeps me up long past my bedtime going over each second of the day and what I could have done differently. My inner chatterbox even starts going over what I should be doing next summer, which is over seven months away. High-functioning anxiety makes it hard to do the little things in life, even if it just as simple as sending a text message to that cute boy I like. I over analyze and plan even the littlest of things that I do.
Sometimes the only person holding me back is myself. I have a constant fear of not being good enough — having good enough grades, the perfect personality or appearance, or being the best friend I can be. Living with anxiety is the constant fear of not being what the world wants you to be.
My goal is to overcome that negative pressure I hold over myself. Every day, I do something a little differently than the day before. I've stopped making life so difficult, because when you keep thinking you're never good enough, you stop loving living life.
