“A moment came that stopped me on a dime.”

There really was a moment that just made my entire being stop… my mind went blank, my body felt numb, and my whole soul felt simply defeated. I sat in the emergency room on Thanksgiving night after having just heard the doctor say to me there was a massive lump in my chest, unsure of what to do. A teratoma, he said. Was it cancerous? I didn’t know.

The fact that the tumor was already so big, engulfing the space where my left lung should have been, made it even harder for me to breathe and calm myself down. That initial shock is hard to forget when accompanied with ignorance about what was at stake.

A year ago today I was sitting in my bed at home, thinking about all the worst outcomes. Surgery was scheduled for two weeks from today; a mediastinum teratoma removal. All I knew was that I’d be passed out while a team of medically trained humans broke open my sternum to hopefully end with a breathing version of myself. Knowing the risks did something to me.

Surgeon prepares to cut sternum… accidentally knicks vital artery…

Surgeon attempts to remove teratoma from heart… accidentally destroys heart tissue…

Surgeon succeeds in procedure… teratoma grows back…

Although I was scared to the point of nausea for the weeks leading up to the procedure, I decided that if everything went as planned, I wouldn’t take this life given back to me for granted. I didn’t want to be scared of anything in this life. Seize opportunities, take risks, find peace within myself.

My life up to this point was basically an attempt at achieving my bucket list goals anyway… I had already gone skydiving (which probably didn’t ease the teratoma growing inside me at the time), climbed to the highest elevation in New York State, and had my body permanently inked with a tattoo of my own design.

These were accomplished goals in my book, but after the surgery was done and I began to heal, some goals started to take on more meaning.

I found a deeper gratitude for nature and the way it makes me feel.

I discovered ways to better tune in to my body helped to create routines that improve my life.(See my last article, Tips for Dealing with End of the Year Stress!)

I learned to really embrace my time spent with those that I care about.

The fact that I received the initial news of the tumor on Thanksgiving was not that ironic. It’s not that I was never grateful for the opportunities and blessings in my life, but something about this entire situation gave meaning to what I have. Not only am I thankful for the good things I’ve encountered, but I feel as though I also owe something to the bad… for teaching me what is wrong and right in this crazy world, for showing me what to appreciate among the madness, and for helping me learn about myself in new ways so I can grow into the person I want to be.

I only had a 1 in 2 million chance of this happening to me, and it still did. Clearly, I’ve got “pretty good odds,” according to my surgeon. He even suggested I start playing the lottery… and I did luck out in the end… when the biopsy was done it was concluded to be non-cancerous. So about six months away from the hospital bed, broken bones, and collapsed lung, I was already landing summersaults and swimming in my hometown river once again.

I’ve always believed that we are never given what we can’t handle; so I like to think this happened to me for a reason. I was strong enough to get by, and it taught me along the way. I encourage all people to really think about what this life means to them and discover new ways to appreciate it. Don't let that moment that makes you stop on a dime, stop everything that you are.

(Shout out to the great food I ate this Thanksgiving that I could barely attempt to eat last year!)