Why Do The Little Things Bother Us So Much?

Why Do The Little Things Bother Us So Much?

Getting over the small things we never cared about.
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Why do we get worked up over the little stuff?

This happens to me the most. I get worked up over the small things in life that had never really impacted me before until they went array. Things such as trying out for a last minute audition, going out with someone you weren't that interested in or getting a bad grade that won't impact you. You end up not getting the part, the guy ends up choosing someone else and the grade turns out to be an F. For some reason we connect these minuscule things as a direct correlation to our own self worth. It's not like you ever thought twice about any of these things before, but the fact that these things made you doubt yourself in the things that were actually of real value. So why do we let the little things bother us so much?

I think it's the continuity of a situation that stings the most; I do not for one second believe that I would have feelings for any of the minuscule things. No, that isn't what usually drives me to a state of discontent. The wind blows and the leaves change; I understand that most of all. When your leaf, once a gracious green leaf of growth, is fading into the browns of your past, that is where your discontent lies. It wasn't on the minuscule opportunity missed, but the pretense on which it occurred, blowing in the painful memories of the past of the things that did in fact mean something. When you did get a bad grade on a report card, when the person you cared for broke your trust or when you failed the one audition you had been dying to get.

Don't disregard the small things that you once thought meaningless, understand why they make you feel lesser of yourself. It's not because you find meaning in them or that you care for them, but they do remind you of the important things in your life. For some reason, we think that doing poorly in those things is a direct reflection into our lives. We must come to realize that they are not. That the only thing that matters is how much we put into the valuable parts in our life. Slaving away on things or people who won't impact our future will only distract us from the things around us that do in fact make us happy.

The wind blows leaves so it may rid the earth of the deteriorating browns of our past to make room for more to fall so the tree may grow more leaves of green. So may leaves change and the wind blow those of the old, decrepit past and may only the leaves of value never fade. I wish for you to except the failures of the minuscule and take them graciously as they are not a self-reflection of you or of anything that you might just grow into.

Cover Image Credit: Megan Brooks

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Your Guide To Better Mornings, For The 'Not-Morning People' People

If you have ever made your alarm your favorite song only to hate the song once it's morning, this is for you.

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Since I was a kid, I have always been an early riser. It is common when you are younger to wake up hours before any adult would want to, yet at age 18 it hasn't yet worn off on me. Most of my friends aren't even thinking about making plans for the a.m. on the weekends at college and on our lazy days at home over break, And I don't blame them. I would love to be able to sleep in, but I am never able to make myself stay in bed into the late morning. But I have begun to think that the reason I am always up and moving is that I love mornings. There is no better time of day than when you are just waking up and everything is a little slow and quiet. And over the years I have made a routine for myself that I wouldn't sacrifice to another hour of sleep.

If you are one of the people who doesn't appreciate an early start to the day, either by rushing right through them or staying up late so you can skip right over them, a routine that you enjoy can make the days where you have no choice but to confront the mornings hours a little more bearable.

Preparing a breakfast the night before can make it a little bit easier to skip the snooze and start your day well. There are hundreds of options, you just need to find what is right for you and what can motivate you to leave the warmth of your bed. A favorite of mine is overnight oats because it uses a few ingredients and is easy to make at home or in a dorm. If you are someone who doesn't have an appetite in the morning, making your favorite coffee or tea can give you time to wake up before jumping into a busy day.

Waking up with enough time is important to not feeling rushed and being able to enjoy a little morning routine. Though getting sleep is necessary and precious when you are a student or working, that extra 15 minutes would be better used awake than asleep. Using an app like Sleep Cycle is free and allows you to set an interval in which you want to wake up, and it will go off during your lightest sleep so you won't be as groggy.

Past 10 p.m., I don't want to do more homework and only want to crawl into my bed and watch an episode of "The Office" instead of finishing up assignments for the next day. Leaving a little bit of work for the morning can make you feel productive, if it is achievable. Setting aside an essay to do before 8:30 probably won't happen. But reading an article or submitting a comment online can start your day feeling focused.

With the start of a New Year, and many of us back on campus trying to adjust to early classes and busy days, mornings can be a time to set aside for yourself and start your day well as opposed to a dreaded alarm clock and hurried walk to class. Making an effort to find a routine that works for you can make your days a little less stressful.

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