I drink too much coffee and watch too many episodes of Gilmore Girls in a row. Sometimes I lay in bed, and can not get up for the life of me. It'll take twenty alarms before I actually force myself. I still eat everything I shouldn't, even though I promised myself I wouldn't. I keep lying to myself, saying I'll start watching my weight another day. I still hate my body most days, but I'm learning to love myself again. Life is still really hard sometimes, and I catch myself drowning in small things I shouldn't even think about. I think and talk about politics too much. I keep thinking that people are worse than they actually are. Not everyone is bad, and I have to keep reiterating that to myself. I keep telling myself that life is beautiful and I will learn that one day. Life can be happy and I will be one day as well. I think of little scenarios in my head of what my life will be like in ten years. I'd like to think I'll be in my cute house, with my cute kids and cute husband, and we will barely have any worries. I like to think life will never be like it is right now, at this exact moment. I like to think I will be free. Yet, that is exactly what I am trying to accomplish right now. Freedom. I am learning how to be free, and to feel less cloudy. To feel like the sky is always blue, and flowers bloom just for me. To feel like the trees and moon and I have a connection again. To feel the wind against my skin, and know everything will be okay. To know I am not drowning. I will never drown. So I guess, you could say I am in the process of learning again. Learning more about myself, and life in general. Learning about my passions and my hopes, and dreams. Learning about self love, and learning that what happens to me is out of my control but, how I react to it is what really matters. I'm learning how to be a kind person again. To be a kind person to the ones who are unkind to me, for they need the kindness the most. I'm learning that not everything is super personal. People are just people, and sometimes they hurt you without that intention. Learning that the small things that make me happy are the important ones, and that not everything is dark. That there is light in all situations. I am learning that being soft is beautiful, and being full of grace is amazing. That I am not weak. I lost myself for a really long time, and I found me again. Although, I have to teach myself how to be the me I once was. The real me; the one who felt free. I'm in a process, and I will make it through. I am learning to be happy again. That's where I am.