When I was a boy, I was taught to pray for a “godly, born-again, Christian woman” who I would someday marry. My extended family thought it was cute, but I fervently believed it would happen, just like Santa climbing down the chimney on Christmas Eve. But as I matured and no longer said that prayer, I began to realize why it had been promoted to me at a young age.

In 1997, a study came out indicating that ninety-five percent ofProtestant ministers were married. Later in 2014, another survey showed that seventy-nine percent of Evangelical leaders favored men playing an executive rolein a marital relationship. These factors, while appearing only mildly related, show the real pressures male believers face when they consider ministry, thus creating an environment where a life commitment to celibacy is questioned rather than celebrated.

One of the concrete concepts to understand about marriage and Christianity (with some exceptions!), is that sex is only compatible between a man and a woman. While this doctrine is not particularly new, how it is being prized among believers is. Many conservative church ministries gag at the thought of their youth entering casual hook-ups, and have responded by promoting ‘purity culture’, where one refrains from sex until marriage as a ‘gift’ to their future spouse. But the movement ties the vitality of one’s faith with strict avoidance of sexual activities, and much like the broader culture, shames women who choose to be sexually active before exchanging nuptials.

Other times, marriage among Christian couples may be less about finding true love and more about getting hired. Indeed, it is an unwritten rule that certain church denominations desire their pastors to be male and married. The reasons vary, perhaps family-minded congregations want a minister who will empathize with their struggles, or elders want to appoint the pastor’s wife as a unpaid leader for Women’s ministry. But this environment proves hostile to celibacy, as unmarried church leaders are likely to face shame from congregants for their singleness. But as a new turnover of generational church leadership emerges, I hope that millennials are able to redefine the definitions of what qualifications are really needed for ministry.

The soul best functions within the realm of community, and celibate Christian ministers have joined religious orders, or have faithfully link themselves with a congregation. But celibate ministers must also form an identity of their own, and network with those who share their commitments. But to be clear, the specific needs of celibate ministry is not an excuse from being silent on issues crucial to marital relationships. For example, celibate ministers must publicly condemn partner violence, and explain why it is wrong to the parishioners. Such condemnations remind the celibate minister to not get disenfranchised with the married, as familial obligations are not just defined by bloodline. It is by no means a glamorous life, and requires much prayer and discernment, but it is a decision worth wrestling with in an effort to serve God and humanity.