It's a touchy subject people never really want to discuss - whether they know someone that's attempted suicide (or succeeded), or they've done it themselves, or they've even had plans and thoughts to do it, it's just something people don't regularly talk about. In today's society, it's almost considered taboo to discuss suicide, and when most people do speak up about it, it's swept under the rug.

Four and a half years ago, I became a statistic. "For every suicide (averaging 117 per day), there are 25 attempts." I didn't plan it. I didn't write a note, or give away my belongings, or make it known that it was going to happen, simply because I didn't know it was going to happen.

I suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time, thinking it was something I could get through on my own, but I couldn't. I ended up on anti-depressants, which turned me into a lifeless monster I barely recognized in the mirror. A monster who told me daily I was worthless, that no one loved me, and that no one would miss me if I was gone, and one day I actually believed it, and down went the entire bottle of anti-depressants.

I remember telling my mom while she was at work and calling myself an ambulance, and trying to make myself throw up so I could rid my body of the toxic amount of pills I had just swallowed. The EMTs kept telling me not to fall asleep, but I couldn't understand why. I was only 17, and the only thing I knew was that I had made a terrible mistake, and I had broken my family's heart.

Fast forward through therapy, and a fear of pills that lasted about three years. It took a long time to realize why I didn't succeed, but now I know. I look back at the scared 17 year old hooked up to tubes and wires in a hospital bed with her family around her in tears, and then I look at the 22 year old woman I am today. I'm strong, and I have so much to live for, and I made it through one of the hardest times in my life. I've got great friends, an amazing family, a wonderful job, and I've got my entire life ahead of me. It wasn't my time to go, and now I realize it was because I have so much living left to do, and so much left to see in life. I can't say the thoughts have never crept back up into the back of my mind, because then I'd be lying. I still suffer from depression and anxiety, but I know how to handle it and how to cope with it now. This time, I'm in control of my life and I know that there is so much left in this world for me to experience before it's over.