Each year, one in four adults will suffer from mental illness, that number is skyrocketing every day. Society says that being strong means to smile in the midst of a storm, to take it head on and be courageous and conquer it. It seems there is this degrading stigma on mental illness and those who walk in it should be ashamed and embarrassed for being mentally unstable. No one talks about depression and the truth behind it. Nobody talks about anxiety and how frightening it is. Nobody talks about PTSD and how the past is never really the past. Without exposure, we have no way of knowing how to help those who are hurting.
Mental illness is real. We need to talk about it.
Some things I think would be beneficial for people to know about those who are battling through mental illness:
1. Not Being Forgotten
I think this is one of the hardest things to wrestle through as an individual walks in the midst of mental illness. Over and over the words “I’m here for you,” “You’re not alone”, “Please call me anytime”, “I’m always available for you” seem to become more of a polite thing to say rather than something that is authentic and true. The extended invitation seems to happen for the sake of someone else’s conscience rather than the other person’s heart and wellbeing. Of course people fail and things don’t happen the way we’d hope. The best thing to do is not to extend an empty promise. If you’re not sure you can hold up to it, don’t give it. In the moment it may seem like it was the right thing to say but at the end of the day it’ll do more damage than good. Truth is, it feels better to be alone than rejected.
2. Not Being Surprised
Over and over I’ve seen the wide eyes of someone who has heard the same story over and over but are still surprised. More than the story itself, it seems that the surprise is more as to why the person is still struggling with the same thing. This hurts. This is confusing to the person that has to retell the story over and over... it's exhausting. "I believe you" goes a long way. And when you do believe them, keep believing them, don't stop.
3. More Time, Less Words
When someone is having a hard moment, just sit next to them, hold them if need be… but just sit. Don’t cover it up with nice words or words you think they should hear. Just sit and hold their hand. Mental health comes in different forms. What you may think they need to hear and do may be the very thing they aren't able to. When you are invited to come into the deep waters of someone's heart, you have access to some of the most vulnerable things in their life- honor them. It takes a lot of courage to invite someone in. Isolation is dangerous. Our minds don't ever stop. Even if you don't understand, it's okay. It's better to not understand than to falsely identify with the person.
4. Grace and Some More Grace
Mental health dangerously influences with the character of the person. When their character is off or they’re not who they used to be, remind them that it’s okay. When they're not in the mood to do something you know they enjoy or they want to lay in bed all day, just love them. One of the biggest things for someone walking through anxiety or depression is the thought of losing him or herself; the fear that when they’ve reached the end of the tunnel the light in their eyes will have completely vanished. They need to know that no matter who they become, they will still be loved.They need to be reminded that it won't always be like this. They need assurance that at the end of the day, people won't leave because of the damage mental illness has caused.
5. Commitment
Battling through mental illness doesn’t require someone who has all the answers but someone who is faithful. Just be committed to the person. And to clarify, commitment doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to show up each time but that you’ll still walk alongside of the person even when you aren't able to be there physically. As hard as it is to understand what someone is walking through, it's just as hard to explain it. Take it one day at a time. Help them take it one day at a time. Stay committed to them. Help them set goals for the next minute or for the next hour. Whatever it is that needs to happen, stay committed.
