Life May Not Be A Sprint, But It's Not A Marathon Either

Life May Not Be A Sprint, But It's Not A Marathon Either

Everyone has their own timeline--and that's perfectly okay.
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Your late teens/mid-twenties are a really confusing age for a number of reasons: you’re technically an adult, but it doesn’t always feel like it.

You graduate high school and all of a sudden you’re tossed out into the ‘real world’ and expected to learn how it works pretty quickly. It’s likely that you’re surrounded by people experiencing varying major life milestones: some people are in school or graduating, some people are getting engaged, some people are already working professional-level jobs or living on their own. Maybe you fall into a few of those categories.

Maybe you don’t fall into any of them.

When you’re constantly bombarded with life updates via social media or any other platform (I don’t know, maybe you’re really into snail mail. I don’t judge), it’s easy to start feeling like you are falling behind somehow — like life is one big race that you are already losing.

Well, since I already began with an exercise analogy, I may as well stick with it. Let’s treat this topic in the same way I treat my workout regimen (and I use that term VERY lightly):

Unless you’re some kind of athlete, you exercise for yourself, right? You go on runs to beat your own, personal goals. Maybe you’re trying to build muscle or drop a few pounds, beat your own PR or even improve your mental health. As any trainer, coach, or nutritionist will tell you, your body type and lifestyle affects what type of work-out or meal plan will allow you to meet your goals within the timeline you would like to.

You build your plan around what works best for you.

Why is it so difficult for people to understand that life goals work in the exact same way?

You are not going to accomplish every single life milestone in the same order, fashion, or time period as any other person—because what works for you won’t necessarily work for anyone else. At the end of the day, the people who seem to ‘win the race’ only really gain a nominal title—they may finish faster, but even if you cross that line eons later, you still finished.

And that’s pretty remarkable.

You may have heard the phrase “Life’s a marathon, not a sprint”; I think it warrants some adjustment. Life can be considered a marathon, sure — if that marathon doesn’t have a winner and everyone goes home with sore legs and a participation trophy. Life is more like a Zumba class: throw on some good tunes, break a sweat, and go as hard as you want to (too bad that doesn’t flow as nicely).

To put it succinctly: do things at your own pace. You’ll be okay, I promise.

Cover Image Credit: Adrianna Calvo

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Poetry On Odyssey: Some Days

A poem that reminds you that you're not alone.

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Some days,

You dread the sound of your alarm. You snooze and snooze and snooze and snooze.

When you finally pull yourself out of bed, pressed time forces you to throw on stained sweats

you find yourself chugging a cup of coffee.

You sit on the couch and contemplate calling out of work

You caught the stomach bug,

Or perhaps the flu,

Maybe you broke your collar bone

Or need a new phone

The endless list of excuses repeats through your head as you sit on the couch, wishing you were still in bed.

It takes every ounce

Every breath

Every fiber of your being to pull yourself off the couch

And into the car

And into the building where you work

Some days,

This is just how it goes

You are not alone.


Some days,

You awake to the beautiful sound of birds

Chirping outside your window

The sun sneaks its way into your room

A smile creeps across your face as you realize you are awake to see a new day

You make a good breakfast

You read a few pages of your favorite book

You get your mind ready for the things it will accomplish today

Before you know it you've worked an entire day

Your job is done

As you pull into your driveway,

you take a few breaths

Feeling grateful for another meaningful day.

Some days,

This is how it goes

You are not alone.


Every day is a gamble,

Every day is a gift

The key to getting more good days

Is believing that everyday is one.

You are not alone, this is just how it goes.

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