I was the awkward girl in the sweatsuit in the back of your middle school class. I was that girl with a gap so big between my two front teeth that you could stick a quarter in it. I was the girl with acne so bad on my forehead that boys in middle school would call me crater face. I used to be quiet, reserved, embarrassed, and nervous.
I had a realization this past summer that embarrassment and humiliation shouldn’t determine what you want to do. If you want to speak up in class, do it. Do not be worried about whether or not the others in the class are judging you for not being as articulate or knowledgeable as you think that they are. Yes, embarrassment is real, but it doesn’t have to last. You can make it go away and you can learn to overcome it.
Don’t take yourself so literally.
Don’t take yourself so literally that you’re not taking yourself seriously. That's not "serious" as in "not fun," but "serious" as in "realistic." This is your life and nobody else’s. Realize that this is what you have, who you have, and what you’re working with.
What I mean is this: you have one life. You can live it hidden and nervous about what people are saying or you can live it the way that you want and the way that you love. Spend your money on the things that you need first, then the things that you love. Don’t be afraid to travel. Don’t put off travel or love for "real life."
Real life is this life.
I know that I am only a 22-year-old college student, but I have made a habit of asking people about their lives and I have learned from them. Yes, we all want to be successful and have families, but don't let your idea of success force you to put aside your desire for life. Don't let your career ambitions block you from falling in love.
This is why I found the most embarrassing middle school selfie that I could find on my old computer and used it as the cover photo for this piece. You’re welcome.
"When we accept life's invitation, it's contagious. Other people will watch us and start seeing life as something more amazing, more whimsical than before. When you show up to the big life, people (the type who don't think they're invited) start seeing invitations everywhere as thick as colorful leaves. They don't think about their pain and weakness any longer. Instead, they think about how incredible a big life really is." -- Bob Goff
You can also learn to be authentic and humble. Listen to someone who is different from yourself. See life from their point of view. Realize that you and the people exactly like you aren’t alone on this earth. There are people who are different and they're worth listening to. They're worth learning from. Empathize with them. Life is so much bigger than your fight with your roommate over who did (or didn't do) the dishes.
You don’t have to wear the same clothes as other people and you don’t have to say the same things. It’s OK if you have different opinions, but don’t let the loud voices of others quiet you. People will be mean.
You can be afraid, but don’t let your fear stop you from being and doing what you want.
When you’re afraid, you miss out. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
People are driven by fear and they become something that they’re not. Don’t allow yourself to be affected by bigotry and hate. People have taken ideas that largely didn’t even exist in the collective consciousness until the 18th century, like racism and sexism, and used them to oppress people for no reason other than fear. It was the fear of losing what they had and the fear of not having more. If we allow ourselves to see outside of the tunnel vision that fear creates and see life for what it is, then maybe we would see more. Maybe if we looked to the side of us, rather than just forward, we would see that others are struggling with us and that we aren’t alone. Do not be afraid.
When we take ourselves too literally, we don’t see the joy in life. We are blinded by fear and convinced to act by it. Let people make fun of you, that’s more their problem than it is yours.
Do what you want. Be who you are.
I often turn to the American poet Mary Oliver in times of confusion. In one of her poems, she writes: "Listen. Are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?"
Let yourself love. Allow yourself to be candid. Stand up for what you believe in. Don't let yourself fall to embarrassment or fear because it isn't worth your limited time.
