"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade" they say? I still don't understand that phrase.

Life has definitely thrown some wrenches into my life recently, and it for sure has been an emotional and confusing ride. Life challenges everyone, when they least expect it or even when they know that it's coming. My life has been a mixture of both.

I have been unexpectedly working an internship that is much worse than I expected, and I have been away from someone I love for months now. It has been a roller coaster of emotions that have been a battle to understand.

It doesn't make it easier that the person I love has been traveling the world, exactly what I wish I was doing. I've been able to talk to plenty of family and friends about what I want to be doing, and as the summer rolls by, it makes me realize my spontaneous mindset needs to take action. It's the time in my life where I need to do less thinking and more doing. But before I continue to rant about some of my plans I hope for in the future, let's quickly run through my routine I've begun to get used to.

So the summer began with training for this marketing and sales internship I wish I had looked more into. It was super intensive, held long days, and was repetitive and honestly annoying. The majority of people were always super ecstatic to be selling a pointless product, if I'm going to be honest, but I guess someone has to do it. The environment overall was a drag. But I completed training, had a positive attitude to be out of the UNC dorms and with a bit more freedom. But after week one, I realized:

One, I was getting paid to pretty much be a slave for the company.

Two, I wouldn't spend 8 hours a day working on it.

And three, I told myself I needed to find another source of income.

So currently I'm working three jobs, but super happy with the environment I'm in now. It has definitely taught me something... what I don't wanna be doing with my life.

But once again a wrench was thrown into the equation just yesterday. The boy. After not talking to him for almost two weeks, we spoke briefly for a matter of minutes just about his plans for the next week, that he loved me, and that we would hopefully talk in a few days. It was harder than I thought to deal with the few minutes of rekindled attention. I had been so used to not hearing from him, I just fell into a routine that was more focused on my life instead of consuming my thoughts with missing him. Which is good and bad. He's focusing on himself, and I should be doing the same. But at the same time, we have to find that balance and compromise which is hard especially when we are in different countries.

Our situations are completely different and what is so hard is that we aren't living one of them together. I've found that I am the type of person who loves to be surrounded with people who help me grow, make me laugh, and force my mind to open up to new perspectives. I'm not saying I can't be alone, because everyone needs that time for self reflection and inner growth, but living life with others forces you to grow and understand more of the things that will affect your emotions. I want to be growing our relationship, instead of feeling like we are just stuck. I know there is so much more to come, and life pulls out some crazy tricks.

This is why what I wanna do will have me traveling the world. I guess I don't want to feel stuck, but with this summer I'm learning a lot about myself and what I want, which is super important. Soon enough I know I'll be doing something that I love, but life comes with all emotions, and you can't always pick and choose when they come. I won't yet unravel my "game plan," because hopefully in a few years you'll see my work and hopefully be blown away. I want to explore new places, uncover new perspectives we don't hear about, and expose the beauty of a world so many of us don't see. But after all this rambling, I'll continue again later.

I know it will all come with time, like so many other things that have already happened in my life. So my life blog will continue, just stay tuned.