Dear Family, Friends, Acquaintances and Strangers,

This is a very personal topic to write about and an extremely difficult one at that. Everyone experiences the loss of a loved one at one point or another, and each time the feeling is somewhat indescribable. Death is an inevitable part of life, but as often as death occurs, it is always a subject that people tend to avoid. So, here is my real, honest account of embracing my emotions and coping with the magnitude of losing someone that you love. I can only hope that through my honesty, some of you will be able to openly face loss as well.

Even as I decided to write this, it was a daunting task to put my true emotions into words. After all, sometimes words simply cannot do it justice. I've experienced several deaths within my family over the past handful of years, so it is, unfortunately, an all too familiar topic for me.

Of course, death is a very broad topic, as each situation is different and uniquely painful. Sometimes there was a long-term illness that lead to the inevitable, and sometimes there is an accident or unforeseen circumstance that shakes your world when you least expect it. No matter what the cause may be, the ultimate loss is life-changing and traumatic. Each person surrounding the incident handles their grief in different ways, and it is surely a long, ongoing process that cannot be easily resolved.

Immediately after being immersed in the situation, there are many conflicting emotions, and everyone experiences this differently. For me, many of my initial reactions included shock, confusion, resentment, anger and even denial. How is this fair? How could this be happening to me? Sometimes I felt truly blindsided, as if this had never even been a possibility. Sometimes it's a lot easier to pretend that your closest friends and family are just invincible.

Often times, you are left with a sense of regret, wishing that you had done things differently, or that you could've changed some of your final moments with that person. What's worse is that frequently, small things can trigger larger memories. For me, this felt like a total turning point in my life, as if nothing would ever be the same as it was before. And to an extent, this is true.

In the blink of an eye, someone who you love and care for deeply is gone, and the reality of that is a lot to process. After the whirlwind of funerals, planning and family gatherings, you can be left feeling extremely empty. Personally, I felt as though I was expected to be strong for those around me and to alleviate some of their pain. But sometimes, in trying to support others, you fail to realize that you need support as well.

The hardest part of it all is that no one wants to talk about grieving. After all, I can't pretend that it's a fun subject to discuss. For some reason, there is an incredible amount of shame and guilt in admitting to your grief. And even then, many people say that you just have to suck it up and move on with your life. To a certain degree, this is true. However, you can't prevent yourself from processing your own emotions first. Only after you let these out in a healthy manner can you truly begin to recover. The reality is that you can't not talk about something just because it makes you emotional.

Once I began to really continue my life, I would sometimes get frustrated with myself for NOT being upset enough, for experiencing joy, for laughing again and for not being consumed by the sadness that once overwhelmed me. However, I soon realized that this approach would never be constructive. Losing someone who you love is sort of like a sick, twisted learning experience. It makes you think about what is important, your priorities, who you want to spend your time with. There's no more wasting energy on unhealthy relationships, no more putting off seeing or talking to someone you care about. Time is precious, life is short, and you can never get that time back, so use it wisely.

So, moving forward, I realized a few things about coping. You can spend your time thinking why me, or you can change your outlook, somehow find the positives, and enjoy the memories and lessons that you have gained from the person that you have lost. These memories will never fade and keeping precious moments alive in your mind will be comforting and sometimes heart breaking. Memories cannot bring someone back to you, but they give you a foundation to look back upon fondly. You would not be who you are today without these experiences.

I've also realized the importance of channeling your negative emotions in an appropriate way. DON'T take your grief out on the people around you. They are not punching bags, and they are dealing with this loss too. You can't be selfish in this way because you will hurt your friends and family immensely along the way, burning bridges and creating unwanted toxicity. Of course, you also can't bottle up your emotions, so you must embrace them through healthy outlets, such as a therapist, or positive hobbies and activities. Everyone has their outlets, you just need to find them. Let this grief compel you to enjoy and enrich the lives around you and to never take the opportunity to do so for granted.

Try to remember that life goes on and that your loved one would want you to keep living in a healthy, fulfilling way. They did not choose to leave you or to hurt you, and I'm sure that if they are watching over you somewhere, it pains them to see you hurting as well. You have a purpose here on earth, and the love and compassion that you expressed towards this person can be spread to those around you. Someday, people will mourn and grieve about losing you. They will do so in remembrance of the lasting impact that you had on their lives, and they'll miss you terribly. But, they'll appreciate everything that you have ever done for them. This is why it is important to stay positive and to not forget your love for people who still surround you.

They say that time heals all, but I tend to disagree. You never fully heal from a loss. You just learn to keeping living your life, and you learn to not let your experience define you. I believe that PERSPECTIVE is what truly heals us in the long run. Your outlook on what has happened, and what will happen moving forward, will shape your grieving process immensely. I like to think that everything happens for a reason, which can be extremely difficult to see at first glance. It is puzzling (but also comforting) to believe that, perhaps, there is some sort of ultimate plan at work that is totally beyond our control.