To The Lies I Told Myself

Pretty little white lies,

I'm not sure when I decided to tell myself that you were okay, and white lies were little and 'no big deal.' I was just as wrong for telling myself those things just as you were in your value of truth.

You see, it started out as a young child, when I believed that monsters lived under the bed in the dark, when in reality, you were the real monster... filling me with fear. Now, as an adult, I look forward to the darkness and rest. You did not win.

Then as a second grader, when I believed what the bullies told me. I believed that what they said was true... those lies of me not being good enough to have friends. Silly little lies became big lies over time.

As a scared fifth grader getting ready to start middle school, I was afraid I would get lost and I would get stuffed in a locker, or be late to class. Lies. I was afraid I was not smart anymore because I could not get the hang of algebra. But I see now those were never true, for I am a nursing major at the best program in my state.

Going into high school, I believed the lie that I would never be popular. I thought that I would never have friends because smart people do not have friends. Oh, silly little lies. As I started applying to college, I saw that "nerds run the world." Those days I felt lonely in high school were all because of you. I was never lonely, I always had my good grades and family.

As I was packing up my life and heading off to college, I actually believed that I would not be strong enough to do it. However, moving away from everything I ever knew was a statement of how strong I am. I prospered. You were wrong. I have not failed yet, and I have not done anything to ruin my life.

You see, I did believe you. I do not know why, maybe because I am human. My brain at the time realizes you are not logical and will never be reasonable. I like to tell myself it is the big heart I have been blessed with. I try to give you the benefit of the doubt because everything and everyone deserves it. However, you do not.

I know that at the end of the day, you will never be true. Ever. I know there will be more of you in the future, because as long as truth exists, so will lies. But you see, truth holds more value than you ever will. The truth sets me free. You only hold me back, and keep me down.

Maybe one day you will see that I have a heart that can not be tamed and gifts that are meant to be shared with everyone. You in reality, hold no true value. None at all.

You are everything but a pretty little lie. You don't deserve space in my heart or head. You will not knock my spirit down.

See you again soon but as a stronger person than before... I'd wish you luck, but, even then, you still won't win.