Hookup culture is an impossible labyrinth for any college student to navigate. Now imagine having to first figure out which fish are eligible in that great sea we're always told we've got to cast our lines into. That's what it's like to be LGBTQ+ and caught in the midst of a thriving sex fest, you get a smaller net and just a puddle to search through. But wait! There are even more struggles we have to cope with that I haven't even touched upon yet!
1. Bicuriosity will be the death of you
I don't have anything against people casually exploring their sexualities, but I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt to find out that someone you've been messing around with isn't actually gay. Not every queer person is willing to be "tried on" for the sake of an experiment, so you should always tell your partner beforehand that you're just acting on your curiosity and aren't looking for anything concrete. Put your intentions out there before anything physical ensues and you'll be saving yourselves from a lot of disappointment and heartache.
2. The "promiscuous" stereotype
For some reason, an individual who is anything but heterosexual is automatically assumed to be sexually-active and, dare I say it, slutty. "She says she KNOWS she likes girls, but how could she know unless she had sex with at least two or three of them to feel it out?" "He's gay, so clearly he's done it in the butt and he must be dirty as all hell."
I mean, seriously? You can be a virgin and STILL be confident about your identity! And just because we hook up with people of the same sex doesn't make us disgusting— especially while straight people hook up just as often.
3. "Was that just the alcohol or are they really into me?"
Give an sexually-adventurous college student a few ounces of liquor and you're bound to embolden them enough yield to live out their fantasies and play the field. And that's great for you at first—you've been eyeing that cutie all night and hoped they'd be into you, and it turns out that they sure do seem like they are. But there's always the possibility that your late-night lover let the alcohol do all of the talking, and they'll wake up with no desire to ever be with you again. And that can be terrifying for us queer folks to think about.
4. Chances are, your hookup knows your ex (who knows your other ex, who knows you OTHER ex)
While the LGBTQ+ community is sizable, it's not too concentrated in one area. Your college town will have a limited number of people who are emotionally and physically available to you. And your opportunities continue to shrink from there; you want to hook up with someone, for example, but you restrain yourself because you know for a fact that they're good friends or were once involved with your ex. The queer collective is the equivalent of a small town; it's inevitable that you'll cross paths with someone linked to your past in ways that aren't always the best.
5. The odds of meeting people in a public setting are slim
Assuming that 10% of the population identifies with an LGBTQ+ identity, there will only ideally be 10 people at a party of 100 who are open to being with you. And that's not even considering who is taken or just isn't into hookups…so it's safe to say that the search is going to be difficult. We aren't wearing any special badges that can distinguish us from the straight majority, so it's next to impossible to figure out if that cutie by the keg actually plays for your team without asking them.
6. People assume you're straight right off the bat
I don't need to convince you that I'm queer, nor will I ever expend precious energy attempting to do so. My sexual orientation doesn't have to be supported by evidence of a stereotypical appearance or demeanor to be valid. And it's not a safe assumption anymore to think that everyone you encounter is straight or even cisgender.
Even other queer people are guilty of expecting an explanation; some may confess to me that they were afraid to talk to me at first because I "looked too straight." What that says to me is that they don't think I'm genuine enough to be part of the LGBTQ+ community— and that is just plain hurtful.
7. Your Tinder matches only seem interested in threesomes
My sexuality isn't a toy for you to incorporate into your intimate lives. Just because I'm comfortable sleeping with the same sex doesn't imply that I'm up for being tonight's third. Bisexuals are especially victimized by dating apps in this fashion; everyone thinks you must be into threeways if you like having sex with both guys and girls because it's twice the fun.
Ugh.
8. Someone is always trying to label you
"So what are you, anyway?" "What do you MEAN you don't have a label?"
Oh, honey. Here's a newsflash: I am not a Campbell's soup can and therefore do not need to walk around with a name of any kind slapped onto my forehead. If you label yourself willingly and voluntarily, that's perfectly fine. But keep in mind that there are a lot of people who choose not to settle with one identity or simply haven't found one that fits them yet. Regardless, their sexual behaviors are none of your business. So if she exclusively sleeps with girls, but refuses to call herself a lesbian, that's HER choice.
It's not easy being queer in a college setting, but that doesn't mean we aren't proud to be who we are. The difficulties continue to shape us every day into stronger and more resilient individuals and we wouldn't trade that for the world.
