I have recently learned the hard way that friends who come into your life can truly hurt you without that intention. I have always known of this, but never has it hurt as much as recently.

She prefers to be called my "gay mom," but in the words of a close friend, "people will come into your life. It may be for a season, a reason, or a lifetime."

The reality of this hit me when I moved away for college. Moving 17 hours away from home isn't easy. Moving in general isn't easy and when your friends leave you in the dust, it makes it even harder.

In the past, I haven't picked the greatest friends and role models. Some friendships have been great,don't get me wrong, but quite a few have gone wrong lately. Happy people weren't people I tried to make friends with. I was either intimidated, confused or jealous of them. That is important for me to admit.

I wanted friends who would agree or add-on to my comments when I said negative things about myself. Sometimes, I would purposely set myself up for these comments. I had a terrible self-image and wanted to prove to myself I wasn't good enough.

Other friendships were just unhealthy. I dedicated my life to them and everything I did was to maintain that friendship. I turned away from people who actually were trying to help me get better and cared about me by ignoring what they told me. I should've listened. Some effort can be good for relationships, but when you are paranoid every second because you have the fear of losing someone, it is not okay.

I have always loved to help people and make them happier. People might call me a "people-pleaser." I never took time for myself. I always thought there was no point to it. For a while, I thought I was just a lost cause. I have decided, now is the time for me to help myself become happy and to make a difference in my life.

I can and will still help other people. That is one thing about me I haven't been able to get rid of. I have learned that I can do both and that it is not selfish.

My friendship with Gay Mom has been good for me. I had started a mission of creating a better self-image and genuinely liking who I am right before we met. Since then, I have vastly improved and realized a lot about who cares about me and the type of people I actually want in my life.

Gay Mom is one of those people. I can have conversations about anything and everything (within reason, obviously...). I don't like to share my emotions, but I know that I can with her. She also can make me laugh pretty hard, even though that's pretty hard to do. She has helped me through some pretty tough events lately as well.

I have made many other positive friendships recently. I have friends who bring out the best in me. I have friends who genuinely care about me and lift me up when I need it. I have friends I can be myself without a filter.

I'm not holding back anymore.

I was worried about making positive friendships in college and having it be awkward to start a conversation or to hold one. I was also worried that I was too awkward for people to be friends with.

My roommate has opened my eyes a bit with the advice, "it's only awkward if you make it awkward."

I think about this when I am meeting new people now. It's not a negative comment towards myself saying I myself am awkward. It's more of a pep talk where I know not to shut myself out. What's awkward is when you forget the person you are trying to be. So, stop hiding yourself and be you. This has helped me build some pretty good friendships lately.

I want to make it clear, I am NOT letting go of all my friends from the past years. Some of you have helped me get to where I am today. Some of you have shown me it's okay to like myself. You can't help your friends the way they need until you help yourself.