The endless supply of technological access to others can create hazy boundaries and doors that never quite shut. How can you really let someone go when it takes less than five seconds to say hello at any given time? While I hold no desire to return to the days before the internet and modern technology, I have to admit the vastness of possibilities can be unbearable at times. Our generation has a difficult time of allowing relationships to die of natural causes. Instead, they poke and prod at them like children wanting the attention of their parents.
While I love and appreciate what technology has done for our society, I have these moments where I yearn for the way things used to be. I want long, uninterrupted conversations where cell phones aren’t closer to people’s plates than silverware. I want to ring someone’s doorbell instead of calling from the driveway to see if it's safe to approach. Sometimes I’d rather hold on to the curiosity for those who’ve wandered out of my life rather than see a picture of their breakfast on my Instagram feed.
My daydreams drew me to the question how do we say goodbye to someone when we live in a world where it's so easy to say hello? Past lovers and ex-friends litter our social media like clouds lingering, waiting to create darkness in our minds. These endless platforms for communication create the faint, seemingly permanent connection to those we should let go of. The way nostalgia is supposed to work is when the memory stays in the past, where it belongs. Their presence should melt into the depths of our brains and lie there dormant until a night of drinking or an old familiar song wake it up. Those rare moments are private and sacred, only belonging to us.
We take away from our current relationships by obsessing over the past. Does it really matter that your former best friend took a trip to Puerto Rico? Or that your high school crush got a new puppy? Let it go. Social media has a way of distorting our memories, of distorting reality. People portray cookie cutter images of their lives, leaving the mess and crumbs out of the camera’s view. What’s unfortunate is that while we are aware of this epidemic, since we are guilty parties in the process just the same, we have low moments where those pictures seem like the only reality. We go on thinking we know the whole story. Not to mention trading productive mornings for social media-obsessing. We don't realize the stories and news feeds we see are actually as messy and complicated as our own stories.
This creates a vicious cycle where we can’t emotionally let go. We can’t let go of that person who looks so happy without us. We can't let go of that dream we wanted for ourselves when we see it being lived by someone we knew. We can’t let go of the people who hurt us because we hope they’ll change and reach out for forgiveness. We can't even let go of that person we met after a night of drinking because we end up staying connected to almost every damn passerby we’ve ever met through our social media platforms, and it’s exhausting.
The only way to truly attune for this is to put all forms of social media aside and connect with the most important person in your life: you. Don’t let the number of searches for someone account for your progress in letting go and personal growth. Set alarms and boundaries for your social media use. Conduct an energy expenditure report on the amount being wasted in the past vs. the present. Take the time to discover what emotions you’re honestly feeling towards the person whom you wish to let go of, rather than getting caught up in the emotions their social media evokes.
Do you really feel angry? Or was it inadequacy or mistrust? Identifying and isolating our experiences and mindsets can help us understand and react appropriately to a situation. Instead of blocking or unblocking someone, maybe meet face to face and have an honest conversation, if closure is something that you need. If all you feel is pain and apathy, try journaling all your thoughts on paper and have a mini-bonfire in your backyard on a warm summer night with a glass of wine. The important element here is to find a way to cope with the loss of an important person in your life in an emotionally healthy way that’s based in the real world. The social media games can perpetuate for months and only cause more confusion while unbalancing reality with impossible dreams. We trick ourselves into thinking we have the right to “redo” a time in our life. It only leads to disappointment. Memories can’t be nostalgic if we take away the essence of nostalgia itself. Remember the relationships that will sustain the test of time, and technology, are the ones worth holding onto.
