“I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone-- you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence.”
-Alyson Noel
I don’t think it was her everlasting smile that did it; a bunch of people have smiles like that. And it definitely wasn’t her ability to get boys to melt in the palm of her hands; I hated her for that (only partially a joke). I think it was this sense of normality she felt she had that made her so abnormal. She had no idea how special she was. She just kind of did her own thing, and somehow, that made her radiant. Some say she lit up a room when she walked in.
But she could light up a room without even having to be there by simply hearing her name. That’s how special she was. Like I said, she had no idea how great she was. Anna was such a nervous, stressed out, and worrisome person, that she didn’t see herself like the rest of the world did, which is a shame, because we saw her not as a nervous, stressed out, or worrisome person, but a thoughtful, gracious, and passionate young lady who had everything together. Anna was the type of girl who deserved the world, and for her whole life, that’s exactly what people gave her. Making Anna happy was one of the most rewarding feelings.
Usually, I wake up and forget my dreams. But I remember that one morning when I woke up, the most vivid nightmare was still searing my brain. The world stopped spinning. My world came crashing down that one hot night in July. I fell asleep in my own bed that night, yet I woke up in my guest room bed, with the covers all over the floor, the TV on, and my neck dripping with sweat, but I couldn't remember how I got there. I hoped it was just a shitty nightmare. But it was when I got out of bed and could barely walk because I was so weak, that it all became real. Yes, Amy. You got a call last night. Yes, you were told that one of your best friends had died. It’s all true. It’s not a joke. Anna died, and so did her dad. And thus commenced the most difficult journey of my life.
If there was one silver lining from Anna and Joe's deaths, its Letters to Anna. Letters to Anna is this group on Facebook made up of some of the strongest, most genuine people that knew that radiant little blonde girl. Created by one of the most amazing people in the world, Letters to Anna is a place of solace. People can go to this page to see notes people have written to their friend in heaven. Whether or not they knew her well, anyone can read or write a letter to Anna for whatever reason they want: to find closure, to share a memory, or to hang on to the feelings that she made everyone feel.
Letters to Anna has brought closure to me and many others, as coping with one of the hardest losses has been one of the biggest challenges of any of our lives.
No, I haven't come to peace with Anna's death, but I have found comfort in the memories we have with her. Letters to Anna has created the strongest group of individuals, and a place anyone can go to to find comfort, to feel supported, or to remember how truly amazing Anna Trustey truly was. It has made this never-ending healing process a little more bearable.
The space in my heart that Anna once held isn't completely gone. Anna gives me the strength I need every single day to strive to be the person she was. No, it's not easy, and it never will be. But I am forever grateful for Letters to Anna. It has given me strength, something to hold on to. It has reinforced the fact that legends truly never die, just like our beautiful Anna hasn't, nor will she ever truly die to any of us; her legacy lives on forever.
