As we grow up we realize more and more that things change. Life is funny and has a way of showing you who is meant to have a place in your life and who is not. We grow to understand that as things change people sometimes do, too. Often, these changes are for the better, but unfortunately sometimes they are not. The ones that change for the worse are the ones we struggle to stay close to, the ones we begin to dread letting into our hearts and even in our heads. Cutting a person out that once meant (or still means) so much to you hurts more than anyone can ever put into words, but in the end it is so worth it. This is a letter to the toxic person that I have cut out, but before I start I want to say that I am so not sorry for not being sorry.
My life is filled with so much peace when you are not in it, raining on everything I say or do with your negativity. You used to be so great at making me feel guilty for being a certain way or doing certain things but now when I think of you, I choose to not give it any power. You do not impact me or my life anymore. I grew up and somehow you never did, and that is okay. It is also okay for me to cut you out, though.
After way too much time went by, I finally realized that I was never the problem; you were. You made me feel little when actually I was so much bigger than you to begin with. You made me feel like I was never good enough, and those around you feel like they weren't good enough either. What is worse is after awhile, we all started to believe you.
Until I stopped believing you, until I cut you out, you had control over my emotions. I wanted a healthy relationship with you so bad for so long that I gave you every ounce of what I had all while you gave me nothing. Thinking back, it makes me sick, the amount of control you had over my happiness when in all honesty you never did anything to deserve that power in the first place. But one thing I want to say is thank you.
Thank you for helping me realize I am so much better than trying way too hard for a relationship that will never be what I want it to. Thank you for teaching me that my worth does not depend on someone else's viewpoint of me. Thank you for teaching me how I don't want to be treated by anyone. Thank you for helping me realize how negatively you were impacting my life.
Although I have many thank you's my biggest thank you goes to myself. I am so thankful I got sick of you and your toxic ways, and I am even more thankful that I made the decision to not include you in my life anymore.
With that being said, I do wish you the best in everything you do and accomplish; I just won't be there to see it happen.