To the silent person struggling,
I know, you could look me in the eye and convince me that you're okay. You say with conviction that everything in life is exactly how you want it to go. There is something missing in your eyes and in your smile. You can tell me you're fine with a smile on your face and laugh at all my stupid jokes, but you're so far from fine. You're trying so hard to keep these walls locked. I'm not telling you to hit the wall with wrecking ball, but maybe, let some of the bricks crumble.
So, I don't completely understand who or what make you build these walls. I know I wish I did. What I wish even more is that I could tear down these walls that you built. Just know that I'm willing to peel each brick one by one for you. I don't know if anyone has ever said that to you. Building that wall took time and tearing it down will take time too. While you're behind the wall, don't forget that you are loved and that you have people who care for you. You aren't this horrible person just because you can't open up. Someone or some event cause you to be closed off and you need to realize that it's not your fault. Trust takes time and maybe you learned the hard way that not everyone you meet has your best interest in mind.
I think the one thing I want y'all to know that even if you choose to keep your thoughts and feelings at bay, you aren't alone. Any one that reads this can contact me and I will listen. I'm not the best advice giver, but I will listen to your words or your silence. Or if you have someone that you can go to, go to them. They will understand and they love you. And you don't have to be strong for everyone. Maybe you think you do, but you don't. Even the strongest break down sometimes.
So, just know that even if you're quiet in your struggles, you aren't alone, you aren't stupid, and I don't think it's all your fault. People don't just stop trusting. And people don't just assume that they have to be strong for others. That was a thought that had to have been put there somehow. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's okay for you to have all the perfect answers to all the small talk questions. It's okay for you to grin and bear it or fake it til you make it. I just don't want you to spend your life like that. I hope that you find someone that you can confide in with whatever it you're going through. I hope that there is someone in your life that holds a spare key to your walls or is slowly tearing them down. Until then, just keep breathing, and try to remember that you aren't alone.
Love,
Someone who cares
