Dear... you know who you are,

First and foremost, let it be known that this isn't a letter to dehumanize you or make you feel even slightly the things you've made me feel. This is simply a raw and honest insight on what it means to be heartbroken and truthfully, I hope you understand this letter, the pain, the tears and the new found happiness. But please, read it carefully, with an open mind and heavy heart.

What you should first understand is that, for a heart to be broken, it first must be whole. You came into my life unexpectedly but gracefully and you were new. New, which typically isn't my forte but for you, I explored outside of my comfort zone. But that wasn't the first thing you introduced to me; you introduced a feeling of comfort and safety, laughter beyond limits, beauty in all things and most notably, optimism, something that I had a hard time grasping. But most of all, one thing you instilled in me was love... for myself, for the world around me, and most importantly, for you. The way in which I fell in love with you was unprecedented; it wasn't a cliché love story type of love, but so more than that. I knew I loved you when I began to be selfless with my love. I wanted more than flowers and movie dates, for you I wanted you to be happy and whole and though I wanted to be the one to offer you ceaseless happiness, it didn't matter if i was the cause so long as you were happy. To love you wasn't just the occasional gift and dates, it was making sure you packed food for long games and tournaments, staying up with you to do homework, ordering you food from thousands of miles away (hungry college student problems) and always thinking of your physical and mental health.

Falling in love with you wasn't the scary part, it was when I truly began to care for you. There wasn't a single thing I wouldn't do for you, from singing to you when you had anxiety attacks, watching your games during class (thanks Facebook) and sending care packages to get you through the semester. I did much more than just love you. But, you were my best friend and go to person, from picking out makeup to writing senior papers, we were inseparable and I never once thought that that much happiness could ever be taken away from me. But, I guess that was my fault. I got too comfortable with it all and began to lose the "new" feeling and I suppose that was when you lost it all... the love, the smiles and the desire.

People tend to associate the feeling of heartbreak as "a knife through your chest", but that wasn't the case. It wasn't an abrupt feeling, it was gradual... gradually more painful. From staying up to watch the sunrise with tears streaming down my face, to not being able to enjoy things I once loved, the feeling of heartbreak for me had six phases:

1. Hope

I hoped for days and even weeks that maybe all we needed was space, and I still had faith that, like most things, we would work this out and you "wouldn't go anywhere."

2. Realization

After the days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I realized that I had to start accept it for what it was and pick myself up, and that took longer than I had anticipated.

3. Resentment

After processing exactly what was at hand, I started to hate you more and more, or so I thought. I had thoughts like "I wish I never met you," and "I wish I didn't love you anymore."

4. Reminisce

Directly after wanting to hate you so badly, I realized I couldn't and probably wouldn't, ever. Why? Because you painted such vivid and positive images that were forever embedded in my heart, there was no way I could ever hate you for that.

5. More love

Even after all that you, knowingly or not, put me through, what came of the situation was me loving you even more... and before you think "what?" the reason why I loved you even more was because of the fact that I thought I needed you to love myself, and by breaking my heart, you allowed me to understand that no one will ever love me more than I love me.

6. Thanks

I thank you, immensely. You broke me, a strong, intelligent, independent and resilient person and I thank you for that.

They say some people come into your life to serve as lessons and some are meant to stay. No matter how much I wanted you to stay, that wasn't written in this story of mine. But, what I can say is this: for the time that you spent in my life up until the day you left completely, you allowed me to see the world and myself differently. There were days I felt as if my tears were a never ending ocean, and days when my smile spread from opposite ends of the earth, bittersweet.

But the last few things I have to say to you is,

I hope you love yourself more than I loved you,

I hope your continue to grow and prosper,

I hope you fall in love,

I hope you remain optimistic,

and I hope no one ever breaks you, the way you broke me.

"to the moon and back"

Wholeheartedly,

The "broken hearted" girl.