Hi, it's me. The person always sending you screenshots of things. Hey there, I know you wish I'd go away, but I have some things I would like to say (as per usual):
I cannot decide which should come first, “thank you” or “I am terribly sorry.”
I really do mean it when I say I am terribly sorry. I know when you were lying in bed curled up to Netflix and a pot of mac and cheese the last thing you were expecting was five picture messages to pop up on your screen at once following novel of explanations and “Can you believe he said that?” texts.
I am sorry for that time I sent you screenshots every two minutes to update you on a certain conversation with that certain someone. I am sorry I overestimated how funny that screenshot of beach pictures was. I am especially sorry for the long paragraphs that forced you to flip back and forth to follow. I am sorry I was sometimes a bad influence and giggled about things I shouldn't have. I am also sorry for sending you that picture of a certain someone's backside; how does a guy's butt look so good in dad jeans?
I'm sorry for that time I went to formal and couldn't stop asking for your approval. It was just needed, and that time I was clearly nervous. I'm sorry for the time I sent you 20+ screenshots in a day; I was having a mental crisis. I am sorry for sending you pictures of a particular boy; I just needed to know what you thought. I am sorry for all the drunk pictures I've sent you; I wanted to show you that I do in fact do something other than work and school.
Most importantly, I am sorry that more often than not, it is about a dumb boy.
I must say, you’re quite the trooper. You probably didn't understand what was going on and had to ask a million follow-up questions. I am sorry for that, too. I probably made no sense. I probably made a stupid joke about how my life was over, and you more than likely rolled your eyes at me. It’s okay, I too, forgive you.
If I can cushion this tension, I would like to say that I indeed feel your pain, as once I am done with the multiple screen shots, I have to remember to delete them. If I don’t, you will receive more about how someone else found them and how my life truly is over this time. This could be a never-ending cycle.
On the off-chance that it was one of the “screen shot categories” other than boys, I hope that you appreciate them. I hope you appreciate the random gossip that only you and I share. I hope you enjoy the tweet screen shots because you don’t have a Twitter. I hope even that one time I sent you a Tinder shot of a guy asking if he “looked gay to you” made you laugh. I hope we remember to go back to all of the Pinterest screen shots we sent to decorate our apartment with.
I know sometimes you send them, too; we are equally guilty (just go with it), but I am forever grateful for you. Until the day iPhones tell one another that a text conversation was "screenshotted," you will be receiving them. So again, thank you and I am forever sorry.
Thank you for your support.
I am sorry I sent so many at a time.
Thank you for laughing at inappropriate things with me.
I am sorry it was probably an inconvenience.
Thank you for not leaving me alone to decipher the guy code.
I am sorry you had to write a speech for me.
Thank you for sending me pictures of furry animals.
I am sorry that isn’t what I like to send.
Thank you for all the jokes.
I am sorry I was overdramatic.
Thank you for actually reading them.
I am sorry that nothing will stop me from sending them. Ever.