Hey.

It's been a while.

I'm sorry. I don't know how to start this.

...

We haven't talked in a while and that's cool. I think that's pretty normal. But I need to tell you a few things because I can't leave them unsaid.

I miss you. There really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I know that things are over between us and there won't be anything there again...and I'm not saying I want there to be but I just can't let you go. I know that kind of sounds crazy, and I honestly might be a fool to say all of this, but when we broke up you tore out a piece of my heart.

It hurt like hell missing that piece of me. I guess that's how love goes though, isn't it? Love isn't easy and there's no such thing as a clean break, but I guess I just thought it would be different. Like, I guess I thought that when you took a piece of me with you, the hole you left would heal and one day I would be complete again.

But not really.

Instead it healed a little. It scarred over, it shrunk but the hole never closed. I would love to take you back now and put my heart together again but I think the piece you took is too big for its hole now. I've grown passed you, and yet I still need you.

I'm sorry if this is coming across like I'm upset at you or I blame you, that's not at all what I'm saying. Rather, what I'm trying to tell you is that I still love you. I will always love you. Yet I never want to be back with you and I'm really trying to reconcile those two thoughts.

I miss all of the good times we had. That day we sat for hours talking about our futures. All the times our friends laughed at us and told us we were crazy or gross because they didn't understand what we had. The nights we stayed up for hours talking about whatever. When we would FaceTime and just make funny faces or hang up randomly on each other because neither of us really knew what to say. Once when we looked up at the stars in silence and were content because we knew that even though the galaxy is gargantuan and scary, we were safe laying near each other.

I miss that. I cherish those memories.

I have a problem, because when I look back I can only remember those things. My heart yearns to go back to that time but I know I can't. I know that there are reasons that made me decide that it wasn't worth it anymore. I know we had our problems; I just can't seem to remember a single damn one.

That's why you get a text from me every once in a while. One where I tell you I miss you and that I'm sorry. I just don't know what else to say.

I guess that's why I'm writing this now. I don't want to do that to you anymore; I don't want to do that ever again. I'm always going to miss you and I'm always going to wish that things hadn't ended the way they did.

I'm truly, sincerely, deeply sorry that things had to end. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I felt horrible when we broke up and I hope you never feel the way I felt but I'm sure you probably did. I'm sorry for that.

I hope that you are better off now than when you were with me. I pray that you have a wonderful life and that you find someone perfect for you. Please know that I will always be rooting for you.

I'm going to let you go now, though.

That is as much for me as it is for you. I don't want to be held back and I don't want to hold you back ever again.

I hope we can be friends again one day, but I understand if you don't. I won't hold my breath on it.

But before I go I just want to say thank you because you made me a better person. You changed my life. You inspired me, you gave me confidence, you loved me. You made my life brighter than it had ever been, and I never thanked you for that. I won't ever forget what you did for me, so thank you.

Sincerely,

Your Ex-boyfriend