There are so many things I want to say, curse words I wish to throw about, violent language to chuck at you, but in the end, I'm honestly speechless that you would choose him over me.
We haven't been friends very long, and in that case, I do apologize that I attached myself and assumed we were tight-knit. I accidentally trusted you far too quickly, a bad habit I have yet to fix.
The fact was that we were friends, we were part of a squad, we had a close bond and not something superficial...at least that's what I thought it was.
I did you a favor, a favor purely because of how I felt about our friendship and the only thanks that I got was four months of lies, four months of deceitfulness.
The worst part wasn't when I found out from another friend that you "hate me", the worst part wasn't the fact that you would choose a tool's truth over a good friend. The worst part was when I brought you evidence (along with another friend's support) when I had proof to save our friendship when all the signs pointed to this friendship being saved...you still picked him over me.
And it was so easy for you to drop me like I was some old garbage you'd forgotten to throw out. I get it, you love him and that's terrific. I should be happy for you, but I can't be knowing he will throw you away someday because I've seen it happen more often than I've seen a blue sky.
Moreover, you expected me to repair our friendship, yet you were the one who broke it in the first place.
Here's the deal: I'm such a good goddamn friend. I don't lie, I don't cheat, I don't deceive. I don't compare my friends, I don't drag them down or put them in a toxic relationship. I've always made it important to balance my friends and my loved ones because I would never drop you for some guy. I am the one who would stay up from 3:00 am onwards making sure you felt that you mattered. I am the one who would travel across the state if you needed me. I am the one who would dedicate money, time, anything because I am a friend who truly loves the people she calls a friend.
But, by this point, past the storm (literally and metaphorically), past the tears, past the summer that I was all alone thinking when I finally came back I had good, trustworthy people to surround myself with...I have no emotion left towards you. No cares left. Which in my case is pretty ridiculous because I care too much about my friends. But I don't. You can go and mess with whoever you want now, cause the best friend train just left.
I've always been terrible at letting things go. My parents can tell you, my determination has almost gotten me killed on a number of accounts. But thank God I am smart enough to realize you are too toxic a friend for me to have a healthy friendship with.
Thank God I have learned to face monsters because when I had to face you, it was almost too easy.
