I've read multiple articles recently from girls writing to their ex-best friends. Being the person I am, seeing the titles intrigue me because it reminds me of friends I've had to break up with in the past. So naturally, I read them. The letters typically begin with girls asking why their friends left them and wishing for more information, but then stating that they now have closure, even without any explanation for the separation.
As that friend, I want to explain to you and other girls why I've severed ties with friends I may have once held so dear. Hopefully it will give insight to those girls desperately asking for answers in open letters online.
It's not about you.
Ah, yes. The old "it's not you, it's me." Before you roll your eyes, take a moment and reflect on what you were like as my friend. When I was friends with you, my life revolved around your wants and needs. Yes, a great friendship involves supporting you and doing what I can to make you happy, but it should also be reciprocated. There wasn't a time I can remember where you weren't the center of attention. Now, I was fine with not being in the center, but I wasn't okay with being cast aside by every person you introduced me to because you were "prettier" or "funnier."
I don't regret my decision.
When we were best friends, my self-esteem was incredibly low and yours was incredibly high. You helped me to accept myself at times, but only when it benefited you. If you wanted to go to the beach, you'd support my body image. But if you were interested in a boy, there was no way I could like him because he was out of my league. I remember you shoving "the ugly friend" off on me so that we could go on double dates. It sounded like you cared in the moment, telling me that I should give the guy a shot, that beauty isn't skin deep. Looking back, though, you were actually tearing me down, whether you knew it or not. You made me compare myself to you, and told me to lower my standards for a chance to be loved. Once we parted ways, I came to realize that I am a prize to be won and discovered myself rather than living through you. So no, I don't regret ending our friendship. But I also don't regret having it.
I do miss you.
So many of the articles previously mentioned had such a sad, heartbroken tone. It's true that friends can break your heart. That was never my intention, and if I hurt you, I'm sorry. I still remember all of the great laughs we had, adventures in your car where we sang too loud or almost died, and how well you fit in with my crazy family. I want to let you know that I am truly thankful for the friendship we had and the fun times we had together. Just because we aren't friends now doesn't mean we need to pretend we never were. I'm still rooting for you, but I'm also finally rooting for myself.
