A Letter To The Boy I Met Too Soon

Dear you,

I met you at a point in my life that I didn't know who I was or what I wanted for my future. You met me at the point in your life that you had mapped out plan for your future. You saw me by your side through graduation day, and our first apartment. While I saw myself standing on a beach in Thailand, or touring the Coliseums, alone.

You gave me the kind of romance that only Nicholas Sparks could write, but I wasn't ready for my future, much less ours. To go back to the days of sneaking into beach clubs to jump on trampolines, or the night you poured your heart out in the car in the parking lot of the beach where we had our first date. My family loved you. I still remember your touch, the smell of your clothing, and the hint of sand that never left your body. If I had met you today, I could understand how you saw a future, but back then I was not ready for, well…love.

Saying goodbye was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I couldn't lead you into my unknown, when you had your future so planned out. When I walked away from your car that day, I knew in my heart it would selfish to not let you go. So I did.

Two months into college, the day I had dreaded and knew would come; the day I felt regret. I woke up on a Saturday morning after a night of mistakes and saw our future that I was so blinded to before. I saw the things you spent days trying to get me to see.

I didn't do the right thing, trying to reach out to you again. (Side Note: Drunk phone calls aren't exactly good communication skills.) I was jealous of the life you were creating without me, because I wanted to be by your side. But it is too late for that now. All I'm left with is the memories, a few photo strips from our trip to Ocean City, your t-shirt that sits in the back of my draw, a huge lesson I had yet to realize and regrets for the moment I said goodbye.

Im grateful for the time we spent together, it was the summer romance every girl envisions; thank you for being the Noah to my Allie. Thank you for teaching me not to let things, good things slip away, not to run when I'm not ready, and that sometimes I cant fix everything. Thank you for showing me how a person should wake up every day with a smile on their face, feeling this engulfing sense of love.

It is 8 months since we met, and now I can only hope you are doing everything you planned with someone who can love you in a way I never could. Im just glad we could walk away from this, having learned lessons about loving another. That I can wake up today having finally been able to let you go, hoping someday for nothing more then friendship. My biggest regret is not walking away from you the day I said goodbye, but having to live with the way I pulled at the strings of the heart of the man I fell for and the way I handled living with that.

Im sorry.