Dear 16-year-old me,
You have been through so much. You’ve had to grow up much too quickly and feel the weight of the world much too soon. I wish I could tell you that very soon it is all going to be worth it.
I know that right now you are in school faking a smile, watching girls go by that you think are so much prettier and skinnier than you. I know that you feel out of place, that you walk the lunch room scanning for a seat, always on the outskirts of someone else’s group. I know you stay with your “best friend” even though she pushes you down because you can’t figure out your own identity without her. I know that you go home and close yourself in your bedroom, take off your smile and cry in bed until you’re out of tears.
I know you feel out of place. I know you feel like you’re never going to belong. I know you feel like you would be better off if you weren’t here. I wish I could tell you how wrong you are.
I wish I could tell you that you are beautiful. Your inner beauty shines beyond what anyone can see, and your outer body, which you will slowly learn to love, does not define who you are. I wish I could tell you that you don’t have to change or hate yourself because you don’t fit it. Soon you will learn no one really “fits in,” but you will find people whose jagged edges interlock with your own to make something more special than you can imagine. I wish I could tell you one day, you will rise above those who treat you wrong and find people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated. One day you will find your identity and fall in love with it.
One day you won’t have to fake your smile anymore.
You’re still going to have hard days. I still have to cry sometimes. Some days, I still look in the mirror and fail to like what I see. Sometimes I get so anxious I can’t stand the feeling of my own skin. Sometimes I’m more depressed than others, and all I can do is lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. But, I want to tell you that it’s okay. It's okay to not always be okay. These days are hard, but their contrast makes the good days even better. And you are going to have a lot of good days.
I wish you could see where we are now. I wish you could see that we have finally learned how to love ourself. I wish you could know one day you are going to learn how to fight for your dreams, and you are going to reach them. You are going to accomplish so much. You are so beautiful. You are so strong. I know people don’t tell you enough, but I am so proud of you.
One day, your life won’t be full of sadness or emptiness and wondering how you can possibly make it through one more day.
One day, you will be laughing too loud at an Indian restaurant, surrounded by good friends. One day you’ll be driving down the highway with all the windows down, singing and making music videos with your mom. One day you’ll be taking selfies with mustache props at a Christmas party with people who love you. One day happiness won’t be so far out of reach.
Hold on, darling, you’re almost there.
Much love,
Your older self
