I don't even know how to begin this letter. How do you address the person you used to do everything with, the person you texted nonstop, the person who knew everything about you... but was also your abuser?
But anyways.
I didn't realize that our friendship was abusive until I was neck deep. After all, one doesn't expect that their best friend would also be their abuser. Maybe you didn't even realize what you were doing was abuse... I sure didn't for the longest time.
At first, everything between us was fine and we were your everyday, average best friends. We had sleepovers, watched way too much TV and movies, ate way too much food, went to sporting events (even though I had no idea what was going on half the time), went to concerts... heck, we even went on vacation together twice.
But then the change started to happen. I knew about your past and everything you struggled with internally. I knew about the loss you felt, the emotions you didn't understand, and the injustice that you felt had been served your way in one way or another. I tried my hardest to understand and comprehend, to be there for you in any capacity that I could. You were so negative about everything, you hated life and always had something to complain about... I knew that you could be better than that. I wanted you to get better.
But I think I've come to the realization that you didn't want to.
You relished in the negativity and the feeling down. You didn't want to be positive and you didn't want to see the best in people... and it was exhausting, but I stayed. You just needed a "good influence", right? And if you were going to complain to anyone, it might as well have been me... right? After all, you were my best friend.
But was I yours?
You never supported me. In the 5 years of our friendship, you didn't go to a single one of my performances, but you got upset when I didn't get to go to yours. You expected me to be social and interact with your family, yet you barely spoke to mine. Our sleepovers always had to be at your house, because driving to me was far too much of an inconvenience. I couldn't win an award unless you won it too. You wouldn't even go to my graduation unless you were going to be walking, even though I was giving a speech and was receiving an honor I had worked toward for 3 years.
And don't get me started on college. When I decided to move to Florida, you should have been happy for me. But no... it was merely an inconvenience. What if you "needed" me? You constantly said I was leaving you and would passive aggressively try to get me to stay even though you knew I'd be unhappy.
And I have news for you... that isn't friendship. It's abuse.
Unlike you, I try to see the best in people and I simply hope that you didn't know you were doing it and I hope that you have learned from your mistakes. I hope you make genuine friends, the kind that stick by your side for the rest of your life.
Best friends aren't supposed to hurt you... but you hurt me. But despite that, I am healing. I am growing. And I'm becoming stronger.
Sincerely,
Your Former Best Friend
