Dear body,
Over the last couple of months, I know you have been through several ups and far too many lows and because of this, I had started to resent you more than normal. I couldn’t stand to stare at you in a mirror so I started avoiding my own reflection because I believed I would find more bad than good, which I am realizing is a terrible way to live. I am writing to you to apologize for hating you and putting you through the shame I had felt for most of my life. You are different just like all of the other bodies and it took me too long to realize that you are perfect because of your imperfections.
You are probably wondering where my admiration for you had come so quickly from and that is for something I was ashamed of. I use to pretend that your stretch marks did not exist and that they had become just another part I would try to fix until I was happy, which we know might not have happened. I had tirelessly googled answers to erase small purple marks I hated the sight of however, all of the answers were the same. I could not get rid of them permanently but I could have them fade with time or odd remedies. This news devastated me and like the plague, I avoided seeing you if I could. When I had googled how to fix your little “mistakes,” every website had told me the same thing- long gone were the days of my bikini wearing because no one wanted to see that in public, especially at a beach. I would be lying if I said this didn’t hurt. My resentment grew for you with every new mark I found on my body.
My distaste for you began at a young age, when I realized you had stopped growing while everyone else had shot up like a bean pole. It had felt like you had given up on me at a young age. As I continued to grow my unhappiness grew as well. My kryptonite became my arms. I refused to wear tank tops and I wore a t-shirt under all of my jerseys because I was so self conscious. I covered you up in baggy clothing and lots of sweats throughout middle and high school. Instead of commending you for your accomplishments in sports and your love for running, I loathed you for being muscular instead of the petite, tiny girl I wished to be. Now looking back, I wish I would have started loving you even more when the differences between my body and the rest of society became very apparent.
I want to apologize for all of the years I hated you instead of love you unconditionally. No one else in the world is like you at all- your size, shape all the way down to the finger tips are unique and quiet unlike anyone else. I am sorry it has taken me more than half my life to come to the conclusion that my body is beautiful, empowering and dare I say, sexy, all because I have finally embraced you. This change in inner beauty is not something that just appeared to me one night, it is something that I work at every day from when I wake up to when I go to sleep at night. You have been beautiful all of your life and I want to tell you I love every imperfection- the stretch marks, the freckles, the eczema and all the way down to the scar I had gotten in-between my eyebrows as a result from the chicken pox.
Our bodies and lives change every day and the way I see it, we can either embrace this change and self love and live a life not based on materialistic standards such as the way I look or size jeans I wear or we could live in fear of the mirror. Each feature on my body is unique and holds a story. I have decided to look at my stretch marks not as purple squiggles but as a remembrance that in my life (the last year especially), I have grown in more ways than one- physically, emotionally and mentally. Because of this, I vow to stick up for you and I promise to treat you with kindness, exercise and healthy food (with the occasional ice cream). I will try my best to not bash you for gaining a pound or two because that is life and I do not wish to hate you for living it. After all, we are together for the long haul!
Sincerely and with love,
Your other half (literally)
P.S. My new green and purple bikini will be a hit this summer, I can’t wait!
