I am no stranger to feeling insecure about my body.
I know, I know, what could I possibly have to feel insecure about? I'm of average height, able-bodied, healthy, and what does it all even matter with so many body positivity movements sweeping Instagram and Twitter? Now more than ever, women are proud of their muscular, curvy, and slender bodies, and it's great. Plus size women are unafraid of posting sexy photos, Neutrogena expanded their foundation line to include darker shades, transgender women unapologetically post photos documenting their transition, women recovering from eating disorders feel comfortable enough to post progress photos, and models like Madeline Stuart are changing the face of the fashion industry. Despite the turbulent world of politics in the United States that has recently turned to not outwardly be in favor of intersectional feminism, women of all walks of life seem to be rallying to support each other over social media. It is important to acknowledge the progress we are making, so that we continue to make strides in terms of beauty standards for all women.
But all this growing support doesn't change the fact that sometimes I still feel very insecure about my body. These feelings aren't recurring 24/7 but there are definitely some elements of my body that bother me more than others and depending on the day and my attitude, I might happen to look in the mirror before I shower, and just be unhappy with what I see. The feeling doesn't linger for too long, but my bodily insecurities do exist and they are valid feelings. But why just tell you when I can show you?
My body hair
In this photo it might not show up too well, but I have very thick, dark hair all over my body. When it comes to the hair on my head, it's great, but as for my legs, underarms, eyebrows, and stomach, it can get to be a bit much at times. When I was in high school I even sought laser hair removal to treat my dark underarms but it altered very little. The physical feeling of underarm hair doesn't really bother me- in fact, during the colder months I hardly shave it.
My nose
Sometimes I get to thinking that my nose is on the larger side. And you know what? It is. It's a prominent feature on my face, and I like to think that it attributes to my keen sense of smell.
My skin
It's not as prominent here, but my skin used to be a bit of a mess. When I was around 15 years old, my entire forehead broke out in acne and since covering it up with makeup only irritated it, I just dealt with the visible red bumps. My skin has gotten a lot better since then, thanks to medicine and prescription lotions, but every now and again little blemishes will pop up just to annoy me. Other than that, my skin is pretty soft, I don't have too many complaints.
My ribs
It's a bit hard to tell, but that's actually not a ripple in the fabric on my t-shirt. On the right side of my ribcage, two of my ribs fold inward, causing the surrounding ribs to protrude. Naturally, this isn't visible when I'm wearing most shirts, but the asymmetry is definitely visible when I wear my favorite Batman bikini to the beach. Then again, no body is perfectly symmetrical.
My breasts
Ah yes, last but not least. This one probably causes the most discomfort for me. When I look at my body, I know that I'm thin and I know that I'm healthy for my height, but when I look at my breasts, I feel like a little girl. It's true, I do not suffer the discomforts that many women with larger breasts do- they don't hurt my back, and I can move around pretty easily without a proper bra. I'm stuck in the Junior's department; dresses fit my waist, arms, and butt but hang loosely around my chest. It's true that I save money when it comes to bra shopping (I wore the same two sports bras from 5th grade through my first year of college) but they don't "look" the way I always want them to. I catch myself staring at the cleavages of female students in a non-sexual way. I simply stare because they look so good and you always want what you just can't have.
