Hi, my love.
I know how overwhelmed you are right now. You feel embarrassed and violated, sad and undone. Right now this is all you can feel, and all you seem to be able to think about. You can't sleep and you've lost your appetite. It's rough.
It sounds crazy, but the pain of this heartbreak will not kill you (shocking, I know). In two years, you'll look up without a care to give or an inkling of pain in your heart. This seems like a permanent fixture, but it will pass. In the meantime, here's what I can tell you.
You WILL get over this. Believe it or not, you will not care about this person forever. Eventually, you will look back and realize that he even wasn't all that, and the two of you really stood no chance for various reasons.
Things are so much more stable than they seem. Breakups can be so heavy, but this situation has not shaken up your world as much as you think. You are still a whole person. You are still a soul with a body. You still have great friends and a better family. You still attend school and participate in clubs, you're still unique and gifted in a multitude of ways. You were all of these things before him, and you are all of these things now that he's decided to split. Yes, you spent two years together, which is nothing to bat an eye at. But he does not carry as much weight he seems to right now...you'll see that with time.
Don't dwell too much on why things ended. In a couple of years, when you look back on this, the reasoning will not matter to you at all. You'll be grateful for the experience and for the lessons learned. It's tempting to try and make sense of why things fell apart. You might not be proud of the way you went about certain things; that's okay. You're still growing. Inhale and release yourself from the grip of shame. You both had faults, and things fell apart simply because they were meant to. You will see this, too, with time.
Whatever you do, don't check his social media. Make the conscious decision to never do this. Repeatedly seeing his face and his interactions with other people will only make you feel worse and slow you down. Blocking him will help you with this, and you'll eventually muster the courage to do so. You're not doing him any wrong by shutting him out; you're helping yourself. You're making one of the best decisions you can make by severing those ties. You're better off not knowing, and you will get over him so much faster if you don't involve yourself with his life.
His next few relationships will not last. They'll date for a couple of months and ultimately crash, burn, and never speak again because he's still the same callous, immature guy he was with you, with her.
You'll eventually forgive him, wholeheartedly. It will come slowly, organically, and with time. Don't force it.
He'll eventually text you again, and even ask to have you back. And by the time that happens, you'll have the strength to turn him away.
In the meantime, you have to work. You can't wait for life to drag you by the legs; you have to be an active participant in your own healing. You're going to grow and learn a lot in the next couple of years, and one thing you'll learn is that hoping for things and waiting for them to come to pass is not enough. And your peace in particular is not worth going another day without. You have to reestablish balance, happiness, and peace in your own life. You have that capability. It's in your hands.
You will get over him, the hurt, the anger, and even the embarrassment. The overthinking will stop. Your ego will eventually stop whispering self-sabotaging thoughts in your ear. One day, it'll all just stop and you'll be okay again. You'll go out in public without anxiety about potentially seeing him (which, by the way, won't ever happen). Certain smells won't remind you of him anymore. You'll be able to listen to certain songs again. You'll breathe more deeply and smile more genuinely. The smoke will clear, you will see clearly and it'll all make sense.
Take care of yourself. The sun will come back out, brighter than ever.
Love,
You, But Stronger
