Dear Future Husband,
I’m not yet sure whether you exist, though I’d like to believe that you do. While it may not make much logical sense, you’ve been on my mind lately. I haven’t thought much about what you’ll look like, how tall you’ll be, or what type of car you’ll drive — I’m not too concerned with the minor details. However, I have been thinking about a few things I want you to know.
I want you to know that I am happy — right now — as a 19-year-old “millennial” who lives with her parents who loves Taco Bell and Starbucks more than you will ever know. I love my crazy friends and family, and I love spending quality time alone. I want you to know that my life has purpose apart from and before you. When we do meet one day, I want you to understand that I do not expect you to complete me, or to be my God. That’s way too much pressure for anyone to bear. I am already complete.
I want you to know that I am not a trophy. Apparently, a lot of guys think this is a compliment (just ask Kanye West). However, I want you to know that I have no desire to be seen as a trophy — a symbol of your own perceived success. I was not raised just to sit and look pretty on anybody’s shelf. I want to have intellectual conversations. I want to help you chase your dreams. I want to be your partner, not your prize.
I want you to know that I am a feminist, and I want you to be a feminist, too (yes, I said it). This doesn’t mean I am anti-men, and it doesn’t mean I think myself superior to you. It merely means that as a woman, I believe that I should have the power and the choice to define what it means to be a female. Maybe, one day, I’ll decide to take on the onerous yet rewarding task of being a stay-at-home mom. Either way, I’ll be “working.” I am hopeful that you and I will be able to come up with a solution that works best for our relationship, and for our future family, free from societal expectations.
I want you to know that while your opinions will be valuable to me, I will try my hardest not to exchange my personal identity for your stamp of approval. It has taken me over two decades to become comfortable in my own skin, and I don’t ever want to compromise that. I hope that you will love me whether I decide to wear my hair long or short. I hope that you will think I am beautiful whether I choose to walk around with a fresh face or eyes adorned with mascara. If we choose to have children, I hope that you will appreciate my body post-pregnancy just as much as you did the day we met.
I want you to know that I am not concerned with the size of my future engagement ring, and I will never pressure you to propose. Sure, I’ve thought about those things. You have to understand that between Facebook engagements and Pinterest posts, I’m inundated daily with images of blushing brides and fairy tale weddings. But at the end of the day, my goal is not to get married, but to stay married. If you promise to be my best friend for life, I promise not to get caught up in all the wedding madness.
Most importantly, I want you to know that when we do fall in love, I will love you unconditionally. I don’t expect you to be perfect, and I can guarantee you that I won’t be either. I do, however, expect you to accept me fully for who I really am, and I promise to do the same for you. I will never try to change you, I will never let you feel unseen, and I will always be your number one fan.
Yours truly,
Perfectly Imperfect Me
